That was a beautiful post, thank you so much...I really needed that right now.
It isn't easy right now, but I do know that eventually these feelings will pass as I continue to verify things...which is what I have to do right now, for my peace of mind.
Going off of some of the things he said to me (sexual nicknames etc) and his sexual behavior Sat & Sun evenings....I'm more and more convinced that the man has put me on a pedestal (and no, not just high enough to see up my skirt). It's as if he has come to believe, through...whatever, that you marry one type of woman to have a family with (this woman...you respect her, you admire her, you love her, you cherish her...but you don't defile her.)....the other woman, the slut, is the one you do all of those animalistic depraved things with. I guess this is what they have coined "whore/madonna" syndrome.
I believe there is definitely something to this with him, when I've asked him about it....he gets quiet. That's a sure sign, with him I've hit on something. He doesn't seem to be able to reconcile that a woman can be both whore/madonna. Well, unless you are of course the singer Madonna....well, do I really need to finish that thought?
Anyway...during our entire R there has always been some reason why I didn't release that "whorish" side of me. It's always been there, I've told him it's there and I've always been sexual....but I never felt safe letting it out full force. Partly because he always told me he didn't like porn n'stuff like that...so I thought that if I did that that'd be waaaaay too much for him, too much pressure. He always played naieve with me. Well, now I know he's not so naieve.....and I have nothing to loose by letting that side completely out now. He can deal with it or not.
I honestly believe I stunned him Saturday night. Last night after we finished ML....I looked at him, felt his forehead, and put my ear to his heart....then looked at him and said "OMG! You've had an orgasm 2-nights in a row....and you're still alive!!!" He just burst out laughing.
I know this week will be easier for me too...he's on the same work shift as I am for the next few weeks. When he goes back on nights it's going to get really difficult for me again. Right now, I get a little breathing room for some time....which I desperately need.
