This has been a very interesting thread. Even Cemar opened up and made some good comments. I have to agree with a little of what everyone said through out the posts.
I don't think the difference is gender specific in why a person overrides there sexual desires or how they handle them. I actually think you answered your own questions through out your post and responses.
for an urge to mbate is not the same as an urge to ML, for many many reasons
Take this out of context of male vs female LDness and just apply it all around.
It is not so much a lack of desire to not MB or have a orgasm or such it is a lack of desire to make love. And there is a billion reasons a person can feel this way IMO. Not all of them reflect on to there partners. Sometimes with myself I just don't want to go through all the effort of having sex when I can get myself to the O much faster by myself. Sort of like cutting to the chase/eatting the steak with out the potatoes ect.
But what I find facinating about this thread is that stero type that men cannot do without sex. That sex leads and controls them more then any other emotion and no one with the exception of GGB indicated that is not the always the truth. That there other emotions can and do override there sexual desire the same as it does in a woman. So maybe the males even believe in the stero type.
On another note.
You guys are talking about porn and fantasy. As we all know I had a problem with the fact my H viewed porn and denied it and was condensending towards others about doing the same. But I do see some of what this untouchable thing is that you guys are now speaking about.
Fantasy (including porn) is nothing but raw desire. It is not about respectablity or emotions or love or any of the baggage making love contains with our spouses. It contains none of the EC or devotion we give to our spouses. It is not something that makes us disrespect or spouses the next day if acted out via live in the bedroom. ie..Lets face it most guys fantasies include two woman but they don't want there spouse to be with another woman so if fantasy was acted out it could cause both spouses to lose respect for the other.
This makes this element of our sexual desire untouchable in real life. We either surpress this want for unencumbered sexual release or we live it via fantasy.
I don't find anything wrong in that. I think when it starts taking away from ones spouse it can be problematic. When it becomes a lie between one and there spouse it becomes a issue. Causing a downward spiral in alot of areas.
Quote: What I mean is that a man's self image is 50-90 % derived from sex
It is? Crap. No wonder I am a failure as a man..... does that mean I have to be a woman now? wait, what about the fact that when you reject a woman sexually it completely blows her self worth as being a woman? Hmmm I get rejected so often----- no, I cant be a woman either. <thinking> I GOT IT. I am David Bowie.
excellent.
Quote: So effectively, you HD ladies blow holes in the theory that relational issues bring a ladies libido down. Either that or HD women operate in a different environment.
NO and no. I think this whole attraction thing it kinda of like seeing the Great Wall of China from Space. You can see it with the Nakid eye, IF you know where to look . If your myopic, have astigmatism, cross eyed, or just in general keep looking in africa instead of asia, or refuse to open your eyes, well you just arent ever going to see it.
Quote: maybe LD they get a negative self image from sex?
maybe they (LDM? vary rare. true freak of nature.) choose to not be controlled-- or at least try --by something that is so completely wanted, even driven, but not truly a need.
Quote: There are HD women on these boards that have BIG time relational issues with their LD husbands and yet they REmaIN HD. This goes AGAINST the popular theory that relational issues (too vague, undefined.) are the cause of low libido. In theory, the HD women on these boards should be LD! The only thnig I can figure is that they are still HD because their hormones TELL them to be HD.
In whose theory? HP, karen, lfl are all LD everytime the relationship turns in a direction that would cause them to be. I understand exactly why and what is causing these "HD" ladies to be so.
Any other guy out there, who doesnt understand this? but thinks they can if it was explained differently and has confidance they can do something about it? Id be interested to see how a positive, action based person would word this same question.
No promises that I will be able to explain it any better, or differently then I have in the past. Ill give it a shot though. I like a challenge.
also to repeat. knowing doesnt change the action/reaction-interaction. Behaviors do.
Cemar, cant have your reality, messing up REality, as seen by the lurkers. Your head banging used to make me wince. Now I just want to reassure the spectators, that No, there is nothing to worry about here.
I assume you did not like my quote about the man's slef image being 50-90% from sex. It's not my opinion, it is a quote stright out a a book from an "expert".
Quote: I understand exactly why and what is causing these "HD" ladies to be so.
Care to fill me in, I just don't seem to see the light on this one.
Seems simple to me some to most HD woman physical touch is there primary LL so sex is just like it is to a HD man with relationship problems it is comforting reasurring and excepted as a expression of love by them. It lowers the walls between themselves and there spouses and allows them to connect/charge there EC voltage.
Okay all you HD woman tell me if I am at least in the ball park on this one.
Ive tried. You ignore my requests- for you-- to fill me in. Why should I do any different? Besides I structure my approach, my vocab, to each person. Thats impossible with a non responsive person.
Something you really need to work on. I cant stop you from going down a cheeseless tunnel, but I dont wish to join you. Mmm cheese. I need cheese. a nice sharp cheeder, or a zesty brie with some table crackers and a summer sausage. maybe some grapes and a nice merlot. gotta go hungry now.
I absolutely agree with your statement. I think you are dead on.
I am HD and that physical touch is how I feel that EC. Isnt' that the same for Chrome or any other guy here that's HD? I haven't heard one HDH here say they were just looking for their wife to give them some so they could get off.
Just my thoughts! Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
I think Cemar is just trying to confuse the issue of HD and Ldness by making it gender specific.
It is understood that both men and woman may eat a bowl of ice cream or indulge in a few drinks to sooth them self after a hard day. Comfort themselves with a candy bar a song or a nap when feeling stressed sad or elated. So why is it hard to understand that both men and woman would find comfort in sex the same way. It is not all about raging male hormones that make us LD vs HD. It is about what we find comfort and calmness in that sooths our souls. And fufills us. This is not going to be sex for every man nor every woman it will differ and vary through out the masses. And really relate not to gender but individuality. The one that finds comfort in sex is no better or worse then the one who finds comfort in eatting that bowl of ice cream. Booth are soothing a inner need with what they find comfort in. Ld or Hd is not a freak of nature title and neither are above or below the other in the ranks of being superior people. It is a title of people with different needs.
I myself think sometimes people forget that the title of HD and LD exist on this board. It is the way we define which one of us are the lower and higher drive spouse. It really does not indicate who we are as people. I am LD labeled here does that mean I never want to have sex no it just means my H would like to have it more often then myself. I have seen HD labled men on here that have stated that they would be satisified with having sex xyz amount of times a week/month and I think to myself well that is not very much that would suck. I would not be satisfied with that in a good relationship heck I have sex more then that in a bad one. So here is a LD labled woman who really is more HD then a HD labled man. How does that happen? As I said that lable is only a indication of where we are sexually ranked in our relationship. There is no scale of you have to want to have sex 60 time a month to be HD and less then 5 to be LD.
There are HD people here that do not view porn and LD people that do. There are HD people here that don't like oral sex and LD people who do. Again there are no other qualifications needed to be LD or HD labled other then your sex drive compatiblity with you spouse.
This being said is the very thing that I don't think CeMar understands. Gel, HP, Karen and others that are the HD woman are not a classifaction of difference from the HD men on this board. So do not need to be viewed any differently. Its not a gender issue it is individual response and actions and needs.
Again, well said. I think you have been able to verbalize what so many of us are trying to say.
Nicky
"There are two types of people -- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am,' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
Frederick Collins
