The PMA is really good, actually. I trip sometimes, but find pulling myself up is pretty easy and quick, mostly...this was impossible for me before.
I guess I post about H here b/c I treat this like my online E-journal about M and not much else about my life. BUT, I am doing little things for ME. I set a plan each night about what I'll do (since I'm mostly alone), I hang with friends most nights, went to a party last night, schedule things for the weekend. I'm working out (BIG thing for me), reading so much more, back in touch with friends. I'm taking extra care to look/feel nice....makeup, clothes. I'm having more fun at work, more focused and getting into things at work more....feeling great about that. I love what I do, and I lost interest in it lately with the mess. I try to laugh as much as possible with good friends/people...I know it sounds silly, but I'm a pretty social, giggly, spirited person usually....I want that back again. I was sick of walking around like a zombie, not engaged. I try to smile more to people, do little things to help them or recognize people...it's like a battery charge for me and them...that is also who I am, naturally.
You're right, part of detaching from H is how it affects my M interactions, but the other part is letting go of all the chains that fogged who I really was....the insecurity, criticizing, controlling, anger, frustration, impatience. Not to blame, but I also felt that some of this was rubbed from H during his years of feeling low...but how much of his was from me? Who knows. Bottom line is, I feel the old me coming back...that feels good.
I regret letting life change my personality so much...I never thought i would let that happen....but I guess it's another lesson learned...I'm starting to discover my identity, personality, etc....and know I will hang onto these at my core, forever.
