Tonight, a coworker of H invited us all out to dinner. H's other coworker called me before H did to invite me, but, as I had not heard from H yet, I made an excuse to get out. Sure enough, H calls, and says he's going to the dinner, and indicates that he's going alone. I let him know that I told his other coworker excuse, just so he would not be staring at them when asked why I could not come.
H: "so, you're not coming?" M: "you know, you didn't really invite me, and you really sounded like you were going alone, so I wanted to give you space, it's your dept, and I'm perfectly happy staying home, no big deal" H: "I was going to invite you." M: "but you didn't, and you really sounded like you were planning on going alone. I didn't mean to bring up coworker to get mad at you, just to let you know the excuse I told her so you don't look stupid...really, this is NOT a big deal, so if you want me to go, please be honest with your feelings, mine won't get hurt and I don't want you to take me to make me feel better..." H: "it's up to you, I have no preference" H: "Yeah, I kinda did want to go alone." M: "Thanks for being honest. Really, I want you to know that I have no expectations, and am not mad if you need space and welcome you to have it. That's why I offer you the car each night, I want you to have space, get out. I am not mad at all, or angry, I just want you to voice your feelings."
H sounded REALLY uncomfortable....I assured him I was NOT going to turn it into R talk. He came home and sounded uncomfortable and I sounded chipped.
Admittedly, on the phone, initially, I was a little taken aback and just frustrated that he was beating around the bush, so my tone was stiff and a little pushy. It's just that I felt he was pegging me. I should not have used that tone. I endded in a good way.
Ugh. I HATE having to worry about each little thing I say or with what tone. I feel that he watches every move like a hawk, the moment something slips to say "ha, this isn't working after all...it's just a charade." The funny thing was, I DID NOT CARE that he didn't want me to go. Before I would have been REALLY hurt. Not now. Just frustrated that he backed out of what he really wanted...and I had to push him.
It was frustrating b/c it made me feel, is he doing that with the M? Really wanting out, but staying to "appease" me? Not telling me what he really wants, until I push him and he finally says it?
Am I projecting?
Please give your thoughts....I'm not in a really paranoid state, but I feel that the last few days were well...and he's inspecting everything, and each little slip is a sign to him to leave.
