Ladies, thanks so much for your thoughtful responses. You're right...too much of yesterday was in M thought...yet, it was quite a productive day at work.

I think I woke up in a funk for 2 days and panicked....I loved how I felt the last 2 weeks and I was so scared of slipping back to the frightened, skiddish me of last month. I spent too much time pulling myself out of that.

BUT--I'm out!!! I worked out this morning, was nice. Gonna have a great day today at work...I realized last night that there are a few impending things (like details of my trip planning, etc) that I've been subconsciously putting off b/c of M progress....I am tackling those this week and taking my life in control for ME. I'm getting excited about the trip...to see family and a place that I miss.

I'm in good spirits today. Feeling confident--I like me, the changes I've made and looking back at 2005, it was a good year, despite M troubles. That's to work on in 2006, at least working on ME.

Update: Feeling pretty detached from his emotions. He's going through something...this morning, I chattered about my trip, and a trip that he's taking soon after (that we had planned on going together but now seems he may go alone, and I'm fine)...he rarely talks about either, avoids it. He was quiet this morning and seemed down. I asked if he was OK, and said I wanted him to have a strong morning, and let it go and joked about other things (big 180 for me and natural). He looked awkward and stared at my eyes with a sad look. Don't know what that means and not going to analyze. His feelings to sort out...if he needs help, he can ask.

For now, I'm focusing on getting things squared with my life in the next few weeks, planning a fun trip with family and being strong. If I must say, I feel quite proud of myself. This is a stressful situation, and I feel good, and able to pull myself out of serious funks--something I didn't think I could do. As far as H/M...I plan on doing what I wrote yesterday...trying to be good & unconditional to him for as long as we're together--with lots of space for BOTH of us.

Back on the train again...wonder where it's going??!!

WCW...I hear you with insecurities...I get spiraled in that too. I try to take 10 min out to "meditate" by focusing on what a fab gal I am (seriously!)...and the simple rule..you're trying to be a good person, goodness will follow...trust in that.