OK...venting. A little of the old frustrations seeping through...ugh.
I was fine tonight until H asked if I had seen friend's newborn baby. I said no, I will go later when they are ready. He said that I should go now, everyone else has gone (he came home for dinner and returning to work). I said that I would prefer if we went together...perhaps tomorrow when he came home for dinner? He said that won't be happening soon...he had to go to town for errands, etc (which he has 2 months to do). I immediately dropped it and switched the converstation and acted normal. But, for the first time in a while, I feel so frustrated. This is so symbolic of EVERYTHING I was so mad at him for. His work, life comes before being a couple with me...he knows it means a lot to me that he makes time to go somewhere together, and he DOES NOT do that...never has.
Normally, I would have picked a fight or acted moody. Today, I dropped it. I went back to usual. I'm still pissed, and am being patient. This is something that needs to change for SURE. I know that his life is important, but you have to make time for others, or they will NOT be there...that is how he was...dumped on our M with all his needs and I always came last. I took it out in the wrong way, but I hated every minute of it. Now, I am intolerant of his rejection in these matters. He feels that it's my job to represent us socially, and does not see that I see it as a time to be a couple, like EVERYONE ELSE. I don't fly the flag alone.
Of course, now it's being done because it's something that I want, so he will deny. He is only thinking of him. That's fine. I'll have to wait and see if that's how it will always be...if so, then I have to figure things out for myself.
Is this another test, or a sign that things will never change? Who knows. Only time will tell.
