OK--that felt good to vent my negative fears. Who knows how much truth lies in my doubts. In any event, I have to get centered again, for myself. I cannot go through sleepless nights, unfocused days. I have to keep that up for me, I felt great the last 2 weeks. I'm lucky to have H come home each night, and he's a LOT more relaxed. Don't think of the outcome...come what may.
My progress in the last 2 weeks: * No R talk--even yesterday when the door was wide open. * No frustrations at slow progress, at H for not talking or not doing other things I expected. No projection of disappointment * No hard days where I'm crying, sad, quiet * No asking about his parents except in a friendly way * No asking about his hours, except in friendly way * No snooping * No thinking of H's whereabouts and spiraling * Smiling, upbeat, calm, caring and friendly tone * Supportive of stuff he's going through...listen, talk, etc * No backsliding when I sense him need space or have a moody day--not being pulled by his moods...still nice to him. * No overbearing affection, doing things for him, love, etc. Not pursuing with this. Letting him take what he wants and backing off. * I'm really happy to see him and be with him, but happy to let him have his space.
For me: * Feeling strong each day * Focusing on positive each day--life is good * Focusing on seeing H in a positive light each day * Learning, trying to forgive myself * Knowing that I screwed up, but tihs is not the person I was or meant to be...I was meant to be better and will be. * Faith that things will work out for the best * Believing that I deserve and want better--loving myself enough to want more in a M, but patient to wait through the rough tides. * Focusing back on my life....work, family, friends, etc. Without putting things on hold for H to come around. Having faith that will work itself out and I need to go about life for myself. * Better care of health.
