You're right. So many moments this weekend I realized that, just weeks ago, I would have been disappointed in something he didn't do/say/react. I have to admit I did have 1 moment that pissed me off, I just went away and came back 1 minute later just fine (I tickled him out of instinct and he told me to stop that he didn't like being touched in the face--I was so mad, b/c coworker tickled and you LOVED it, and now I do and you HATE it--ugh--just shoved the thought away and moved on). Just showed me that in many ways we BOTH have some anger and resentment now, and his is definately deeper. Only time and better memories can heal that, if he wants.
It was MUCH easier than I thought to let go of expectations, etc. I could just turn away and not think of it again. Or not think of it at all. I felt like I was in my own bubble, being me, and interacted when he reached out or I felt like it. I was mostly pretty happy. I wasn't "trying" to be better or a new person, it just came...I think the light bulb moment of the last explosion was great.
Following WCW's advice, I also stopped thinking of Hs actions and just me. Just made sure I was a nice person. His moods were not my fault and I just let him be. Hopefully not reading too much, but I see the flux b/w affection and withdrawal as kind of peeping out over that high wall again...confused. Maybe I'm all wrong....but I can at least empathize and understand. Anytime I feel that he's yanking my chain by flip-flopping I think of the times that I withdrew all affection/love when I was mad. He once said that it was the most hurtful thing I did. Geez...stings now. So, here it is to bite me...I suppose it's good that I feel that.
