I see such strength in you and love for your H, I know this is going to work. I see you doing so well. You feel low. But you are doing everything so right ... well except for the snooping. I would like to see you promise here that you have seen all you need to see, and realize you will not find your answers in an email.
That is one of the hazards of staying together under one roof. You are so lucky to still be together, you should promise to respect his privacy, his pain, and his problems as his alone to solve. You do seem to understand all of this, now you just have to act on it.
My W says she feels nothing for me after 25yr of M, and almost 10months of Sep. You believe that? I don't. I do believe she has buried it under layers of pain, resentment, and anger ... that she has not yet faced. She says she doesn't love anyone else. Neither does your H. How would I know if my W had become involved with someone? Actually, how would it change what I want, or how I would DB and wait?
It wouldn't. So with time, I have eliminated that from my list of concerns; right along with missing limbs and other things I have no control over for her. I want her back in any form possible, when she finds her answers. Don't you feel this way about H?
They are both in incredible emotional suffering and can not find their answers. They believe themselves to be functioning in a normal lucid although depressed state. They say and do things they forget or regret. We won't judge them by that and I admire you for focusing on how he starts each day. What more can you do?
What is an EA? I understand it is when two people discuss their private life with someone of the opposite sex. They discuss something they would not discuss with their spouse. They form a bond of sorts for each other. Maybe it is empathy or an actual attraction.
Is that what we are doing here on this board every day, to some extent? Well I don't blame you for not being attracted to me but I am very impressed with how well you are doing. I had copies of emails I should not have looked at. When I first saw them a year ago I could see them as nothing less than evidence of trouble outside the home. Today they look much like the teasing we often do with each other here on this board.
From now on just assume if there was an email it was no more meaningful than spam, which he also deletes. Don't bother looking. If you are concerned about someone outside the home, realize they too were or are just another form of spam, that he will delete. Trust that he is hurting and still trying to find his way out of the fog and back in your heart where he wants to be.
