Hi there, friend! No time limit here. Not yet anyway. I figure my gut will tell me when it's right. Right now, it isn't, because I STILL, with all the work in the last 4 months, have not really tried. I can now clearly see how I need to really let go and understand his pain and mine. I never let him feel this phase, maybe for a month or two, but I always pestered him about US. He does best when I completely back off.
Oh, our story of 14 years is a good one. Each time, he left (we were young and in college)but I pushed away too , and years later, by some miracle, he reached out in love. We've both hurt each other, grown up together, loved each other--it's the most intense, emotional and crazy beautiful R each has ever had. In all that time, we've never loved another, even now, H said that I was the person who meant the most, the one he would love the most, how he would never be as crazy and in love with another or marry another.
I forget that I know him really well, too well. I've spent today thinking about things from his view. I think these past 4 months he has been testing things, seeing where our M will head. He is not willing to give it a try for very real fear of me not ever changing. He thinks I can change in small ways, but not to what I should be and he needs in a R. He has always been prepared to give unconditional love. So, now, it's my turn.
From his view, I see each sad mood swing, expectation, question barrage, test, frustrated moment as in his mind "she's really not changing--I won't commit...I won't open up to be in love again" Of course, someday, I will have to be allowed to be pissed without it setting a reaction, but that will come slowly...it's the damage I've done.
So, given our past, who knows when things will resolve itself. All I know is that I truly feel, for better or for worst, we are meant to be together. Tbis time, let's try to do it right.
BUT, that's my feelings today...who knows what the future holds.
