Quote: (Not sure why you apologized for being put out when she went for OM and then took her guilt out on you in the form of anger. But, you knew I'd say that.)
Yea, you and my C as well. I guess I was not apologizing for what I said, just how I said it. I never apologized for what I said even though she claims I was dead wrong about it. I am entitled to my own opinion. I just regretted reacting the way I did. I would have rather just asked her about it directly and let her answer, keeping my emotions to myself. I don't like to be that "affected" so openly by her. Oh well, some things just happen. I live and learn.
Quote: With respect to sex, it is never going to go anywhere if you take the tentative questioning approach. When the time seems right, make a strong, sexually assertive move --assertive, not coercive... IMPO, asking her about it is going to take you farther from that goal every time.
Well, I sorta did that on the "dancing" night and, well, um, she was passed out before it could go anywhere. Don't know if that meant it would have happened under slightly different circumstances or not. I really struggle with this advice on the whole though. I KNOW it's what I need to do, but with SO much unknown in this thing now, I am really finding it hard to muster the, well, whatever it takes to just go for it and let things happen. That has ALWAYS been an issue in our marriage, mainly because she has two beliefs that make it difficult (not to mention my issues). First, she believes that the man ALWAYS initiates. I have no freaking clue why, but it is what it is. I think in our time together, she's initiated maybe twice...in 10 years!!! Second, she doesn't believe in just openly communicating when she is "in the mood". Now sure, I totally recognize I can help to create that "mood" but over the course of a marriage, it would be nice to share in the process that leads to ML. I have been shut down so many times over the years that I guess I stopped really trying. I used to be really good at the initiation/romance/trying part and now (or at least when we still did those things), I just sit back and try to guess if she is or is not and even when I am right, I don't put too much effort into it. After all that. Advice taken, but it may be awhile before that takes place.
Quote: I was somewhat concerned for you because of her comment about you having to be the one that moves out if it comes to that. This tells you that if it comes to D, she will want to keep the kids and the house. If you would want something else, you need to start keeping evidence for a court case should it be necessary. Your evidence might include your own diary, her cell phone logs, receipts, emails, pics, whatever you have.
Well, I should have been more specific about that part. She was just restating (and I misquoted her) her idea that NEITHER of us are moving out. She somehow has this idea that things are going to work out. She has no idea how, but they will. Her exact comment was more like "I'm not going anywhere and you're not either so if it comes to that, we'll have to sell the house and both move. I just never really thought about the boys living anywhere else but home." It was another utterance of her mantra of "this is just complicated but sometime, somehow, I will fix it" stuff. Maybe she will, and maybe she won't but she can't fix me. As for the legal stuff, I talked to a lawyer and he said that in Florida adultery does not really affect custody at all, and only sometimes affects alimony. In my case, and he has the details, he said he thought the affair would have little effect on the judgment. He said there was really no need to collect evidence and that my journal and testimony would be enough should the A become an issue. I did the necessary legal research long ago to make sure I did what I needed to do to protect myself and my kids.
Like I said to my C and I'll say again here, I don't really know what's going on with her right now. I guess the most common feeling I have is that she will need to really come clean before she begins to work towards "us" again, not for my sake, but hers. I think the guilt will kill her in the end.
My C decidedly tried to get me to focus once again on me and that's what I am going to do right now. I got re-absorbed into the whole prospect of my M on this trip and I need to step back again and take personal stock. I promised myself I would do this now and I will.
