(Not sure why you apologized for being put out when she went for OM and then took her guilt out on you in the form of anger. But, you knew I'd say that.)
With respect to sex, it is never going to go anywhere if you take the tentative questioning approach. When the time seems right, make a strong, sexually assertive move --assertive, not coercive... IMPO, asking her about it is going to take you farther from that goal every time.
I was somewhat concerned for you because of her comment about you having to be the one that moves out if it comes to that. This tells you that if it comes to D, she will want to keep the kids and the house. If you would want something else, you need to start keeping evidence for a court case should it be necessary. Your evidence might include your own diary, her cell phone logs, receipts, emails, pics, whatever you have.
Try to think about this without thinking that it is betrayal. It is not. She has still not re-entered a M R with you. You have no idea where things will wind up. You need to protect the interests of yourself and your children.
Her remark clearly suggests that she has given serious thought to what she will do if she chooses D or you do. Not to make you paranoid, but this will actually give her very strong motive for not being honest with you about the nature of her R with OM insofar as it could be used against her in court. Trust me, she is still keeping her options open. You know this. And, she is CHA.
