Ok, here is my trip from the heart's perspective. I will do the day by day again...
Pre-trip
I have to admit that I thought she was bringing the bear and the necklace. The bear went missing and I DID look for him in her luggage. Nothing. As for the necklace, I thought I saw her put it in one of her makeup bags, and again AGAINST my usual nature I snooped and either I was wrong or she did a GREAT job of hiding it. I was wrong on both accounts and feel bad that I was going to let it bother me. I feel bad about the snooping, but it was short lived and it was ok. I wonder how I would have done if I had found something...
Day 1
Well, I admitted to maybe expecting more than I let on before I left. I pretty much was able to let go of that before we left and just settled in to have fun. Day one really didn't hold much other than that. We arrived tired and really ready to experience Dublin. We got along fine and made small talk on the plane and while we shopped. I think I already started to see that this trip was going to be ok. We were just two kids (ok, really old-ish ones) in a candy shop with all the shopping and stuff to see. Lots of smiling and fun. Lunch and dinner went fine and I got to display my improved eating style (using the "proper" way of holding the utensils, etc). My W commented on that and said she was impressed. It has never really been an issue, and I am not a slob when I eat, just VERY American and not very refined, at least from a European perspective. It was all good. I scored points be nabbing a table close to the stage where The traditional music we saw later was a little taxing (not the music, but the crowd and place itself) and my W ended up a little stressed but we laughed it off and walked back to the hotel. As we went to bed, I had NO expectations and really we were so tired, it wouldn't have mattered anyway.
Day 2
Breakfast at the hotel was GREAT and we embarked on day 2. This was the coldest weather I have ever been it. It was good though because it made for a good excuse to get close as we walked. The day was more of the same. Just fun and good company. We really got along great. No fights, no problems making decisions together (BIG problem in the past). The night was even better. I scored when I got us a table close to the "band" (guy with a guitar). I got my W a drink and sat down to hear...well...2 songs from the "band". He then packed up and left. So did we. My W was not in the mood to wander around like we did the night before and so we went to a bar I saw in a magazine. It said there was live music and there was. The local band was just coming on and they were really good. We stood at the bar and just enjoyed the music. From there we walked, then took a taxi. That scored big with the W because she was tired of walking but kept insisting on not getting a cab. I just grabbed her hand and we went to a cab parked nearby. I think she appreciated me hearing her true wish to not walk anymore and making a decision to do that. The bar/club we went to was VERY crowed and we did some good people watching as we waited for the upstairs dance club to open. When we got dancing, I just let go for the first time in my life. It was a blast. I wasn't very good, but I didn't care, and neither did my W. She had a big smile on her face all night. We were more physical than we've been outside a bedroom in years, maybe EVER. It was really nice. We almost kissed on a couple occasions but for whatever reason didn't. I didn't mind because it was hot without that! My W can REALLY dance! Since my W had been pub crawling, i.e. drinking all night (remember, I don't drink), she was a little gone on the way back to the hotel. I won't lie. I really thought things were going to get intimate. I started to realize that they weren't when I saw how far gone she was. I probably could have taken advantage of that, but did not. It's not my style. I helped her up the 4 flights of stairs and into bed. I undressed her, and yea, I did some sight seeing but only got as far as a back rub before she was asleep. I was disappointed but didn't dwell on it.
Day 3
In the morning I made a couple little jokes about "what do you remember", insinuating that we did something. She laughed and told me she remembered everything, including that nothing happened. It was light hearted. The rest of that day was spent getting the car and driving southwest. The car/driving could have been an issue, but I really made sure that I was conscious of her feelings and tried to drive so she was not on edge the whole time. I succeeded in letting her know I was trying but the roads and other drivers made it impossible to relax for either of us. That said, it was a fun trip with more light talk and just us getting along better than ever. I really enjoyed the time. When we got to Waterford we knew we didn't really like it, but it was our stop over so we picked a hotel (oops) and went to eat. Near the end of dinner...R talk. I will try to remember the important details, the most important of which is how it started and I can't for the life of me remember. I know she initiated it but I can't think how. This is how it went from my response to whatever she said...
M: Well, I just have one question. Is IT possible on this trip? I just want to know because it seems like things are going really well.
W: No. It won't happen. Things ARE going well. Isn't that enough? You expect to go from 0-60 in less than a week?
M: No, I don't expect that. It's why I asked. I was starting to feel like things may be heading that direction but didn't want to assume.
W: Ok, but it's not realistic. Why can't it be enough that we are having fun?
M: It can, and will be. It's just that supposedly this whole thing is about "us" and not about some other guy yet WE are here and still things are not possible.
W: Yes, WE are here. What do you think? You think I would come on this trip if I didn't want to be here with you?
M: I don't know. I guess not, but honestly the thought crossed my mind that it's the only way you'd be able to travel right now...
W: That's crap and you know it. Is is easier this way? Sure, but I considered just telling my parents you were busy and coming with my sister alone. I didn't do that. You know this trip COULD have made things a lot worse, not better. I thought about that.
M: And I appreciate that. I am glad to be here with you. I just get caught up sometimes thinking about what's going on. You have this other guy who's obviously in love with you waiting for you at home...
W: (this is a big thing for her to admit) Ok, but I can't control what he feels. That's not my fault.
M: So how does he feel about you being here? Isn't he upset.
W: Yes, of course, but what can he do?
M: I don't know. Doesn't he try to pressure you?
W: No. This whole time with him it's been me bringing things up. I have been the one talking to him about my marriage and not the other way around.
M: So he hasn't asked you to get a divorce? Did you tell him you were leaving me?
W: No, he never brings it up, and no I never said that.
M: Ok, so he's just content to wait for you?
W: Who knows. You know you make him out to be something. You know it IS possible for there to be other nice guys out there other than you.
M: Ok, but you ARE exclusive with each other, right?
W: No, or I don't know. I don't ask. I am not with him much at all so I have no idea what he does when he's not with me.
M: So what happens now. Do you eventually move out...
W: NO. I am never doing that. If you want to leave, fine, but the boys belong in their home. You ALWAYS use the kids to get to me.
M: I don't always use them, but you surely have thought about that part of all this. Also, I am not leaving either but this thing is wearing on me.
W: You can't ever just let things be can you? You always have to dwell on things. I told you I am trying. It's not enough and now you are going to be in your mood for the night and maybe longer.
M: Well, you're wrong. Haven't you noticed that change in me. I DO think about us a lot, but I am not going to let that affect me on this trip, starting now. This talk is over.
W: Fine. (gets up to go have a smoke).
There was a LOT more, but that was the gist. If I remember more I will post it. It seems like there was something of importance I am forgetting but...
The night ended at a bar for a few drinks and amazingly enough, light conversation before bed in the crappy hotel.
Day 4
This was a travel day. Really, not much happened. More of the same. We made a complete recovery from the R talk and had a very nice day stopping in little towns and shopping in Killarny. Just relaxing vacation time at it's finest! Dinner and the bar/club afterwards was really fun. We stood and danced with the band and then did a little more in the club. We had a really fun time and I was feeling a lot better actually because I truly had NO expectations after our R talk. I knew where I stood and read between the lines that it was important in my W's eyes to make sure we could have fun together without getting deep into the romantic thing. On that level, it was a total success.
Day 5
This was just a day to sight see. Other than the horrible weather and the bit of stress it caused me (I wanted SO much to take beautiful pictures) it was fine...right up until it wasn't. First off, on the few occasions I had to use my W's phone, it was impossible not to notice the calls to him she'd made. I managed NOT to dwell on that and just ignore the stimuli. I did great with that but I was interested to see if she was going to buy him something. Contrary to her later accusation I WAS NOT looking for it. Most of the time I was too caught up shopping for me or taking pictures to care what she did but when we got into this little town on the bus, I snapped. I went off to take some shots of a waterfall down the road a bit and she went shopping in the little stores. When I got back about 15 minutes later I found her in the back of this little shop. She didn't see me come in and was in the process of sizing men's rings with the shop keeper. When I walked up the keeper asked her if she wanted the ring. My W nervously said "No, I'll keep looking". I said "We will need to talk about this" and I stomped out. Very bad behavior. Not direct and not very mature. I walked back in a few minutes later and she said "I'm sick of this f-ing $hit from you." "Oh, ok so the ring wasn't for him?" I said. She just mumbled something and said "I'm not going to talk about this right now with you." I said fine and left for another walk. I cooled off, went to find her and said "Please forgive me for that. It was not how I should have acted. I was upset and would like to just get past it for now. Can I get a pass" She said it was ok and we just proceeded to shop for a few more minutes. The rest of the tour was fine but she was a little distant. When we got back she said she wanted to look around for a bit. I was going to move the car to a new parking spot and said I would meet her in a few minutes. She said "Could I have a few minutes to myself? It seems like you've been on e this whole trip. We have spent 24/7 together and I would just like some alone time. It seems like you've been keeping tabs on me because you don't trust me. I guess that's fine, I understand..." I said "Ok, fine but that's not true. I only saw you buying a ring that was obviously not for me and reacted. I WAS NOT looking for you to do that and actually you never did say I was wrong. Was I?" She got angry and said something to the effect that I still wouldn't drop it and I just turned and went off sight seeing. Once again, when we got back together things were ok. I suppose she had her time to "shop" and that made her happy. The thing that sucks is that I KNOW she likes to shop alone and if this thing wasn't going on I would be trying like hell to act on what I know about her and failed to act on before. Now that I was paranoid about the ring, I failed to do what I should have done all along...GAL, even in Ireland. The rest of the night was good. We had GREAT Indian food and enjoyed an evening of music before going to bed early-ish.
Day 6
We woke up and got on the road early. The trip was fine until Dublin where the traffic was terrible and I started to get frazzled. My W did too and we started to bicker over which way to go, where to park, etc. It escalated a bit to some yelling, but quickly cooled off when I just decided to park and walk. I (stress, I) decided that we should split up for the couple hours we had left because I wanted to shop for me and I knew she did too. We did that and when we were finished, the car was gone...oops...illegal to park there after 4:00. We must have missed the tow truck by about 5 minutes...$100 and a long walk later... We ate a stressful dinner at the hotel and just co-existed while we packed for the morning's trip home. When bed time came, I rubbed her back and we went to sleep. Not the best day, but not the end of the world.
Day 7
Really, the trip home was uneventful. Personally, I got emotional but never let it show. This was the best time I ever had with my W and now it was time to go home. I think my emotions started when she said "It will be good to get back home to the usual routine." Of course to me that means a cheating W and marriage in shambles but... I just got sad thinking about reality, but soon my thoughts turned to the kids and I got happy.
All in all, this was a VERY good trip and I think it will reflect positively on my M. I don't know how my W feels but I suspect she is somewhat relieved that it went as well as it did and we got along so well. I don't think she expected it to be that fun, especially with my track record of moodiness and controlling nature. The fact that I was able to let go and have a blast, even though there were times when I could have slid into a BIG funk, probably did well to impress her and maybe change her mind a bit. I think I did ok but missed out on some opportunity to DB better and even though I know it's wrong to think this way, I did not ask all the questions I wanted to during the R talk. I know that's probably not important and just as well I didn't but curious minds want to know. Like I said, GREAT trip, and the future holds...well, who know. Only time will tell.
