Well, in fact I think most of the women on this board are already envious towards your W (such as what did she do to deserve this loyalty)
Is that true? Sometimes I have trouble viewing it as loyalty and not seeing it through the filter of many in the world that would view it as weak codependence. I even asked my C in our last session if she thought it was possible that my W views what I am doing as strong, caring and respectful instead of weak and self deprecating. I asked this in the context of my W saying from day 1 that she needed space, understanding and time, something no man has ever given her. I am giving her those things to the best of my ability. My C said she didn't know, but that's what SHE thought of me for what I am doing. I am a strong, caring man who is trying his best to be loyal and kind in the face of unbelievable pressure to be otherwise. What I liked is that she didn't say I was wrong for caring what my W thought (see SS, I do agree with you). When trying to save a marriage, sometimes you need to take it's pulse if you know what I mean.
I know it is NOT weakness. It would have been weak of me to lash out 2 months ago (or a hundred other times since then) and either force her out, or leave myself. Sadly, sometimes, this that I am doing does not feel noble either. I have to keep reminding myself (thanks OT) that I MADE THIS choice and I am not a victim. I own this situation, and it is up to me to decide what I want from it. I think it's natural to feel this way but thinking it's natural doesn't make it any easier.
So, it really means a lot to hear that you think I am being what I want to be. I KNOW what I am trying to do and be, and don't NEED you to tell me, but it sure does feel good.
