GH - it's OK. You're human. You backslid - par 4. Now pick yourself and move forward. Don't dwell on it - that will only make it worse.
You cannot beat yourself up every time you screw up or make a mistake. You are not perfect. Neither is your W. Read over what happened - it doesn't sound as bad as you may be feeling.
You do need to just keep your mouth shut. Every time you want ask a question, every time you want to grill your W; every time you want to say anything regarding the R or OM - ask yourself - "Will this get me closer to my goal?" Or better yet - "Will asking this make me look like a pathetic, whiny, clingy fool?" That's the one I use when I want to say something that I "FEEL" I need to ask. Usually, my answer to myself is "No, it won't bring me closer to my goal" and "Yes, I will look like a jackass if I ask that question." So, I shut up.
Until such time that you and your W have BOTH agreed to a reconciliation or re-commitment to your M (which is NOT where you are as of yet) - once that happens, there will be plenty of time to work these things out. Until that time, you must try to just let her be; let her go. No matter how much it hurts; no matter how much your PRIDE screams at you to get the "answers".
And, maybe C1's suggestion is a good idea - doing some shopping for yourself. As long as it's not being done to "punish" your wife. If you want that damned sweater - go to the store and get it yourself. No need to let your W know. Just go buy it. I assure you, she will notice that you've got it without you being obvious about it. And, if she buy you the same one today, just keep your receipt and take it back (and by something else nice for yourself!).
