This has me wondering. Do we ever "get it" at all? I mean I have read the books. Re-read some parts of the books. I am still reading and absorbing all I can.
All that and I still play victim every time my W "goes out". You would think by now I would figure it out to some degree, right?
Some of you praise me for being SO good at this. Why do I feel like such a failure when I can't even detach enough to stop this from hurting every time?
How can I be a success when I still let this get to me so much, or for that matter, when I obsess to the point where I still make up these stories to get mad at?
I would have thought all that was past me. Guess not.
Sure, I AM much better at controlling my REACTIONS to these things. I don't show my anger (I think) and I am not sarcastic (much). I really have grown up emotionally, but when faced with these real or perceived crisis, at least in my head, I go back to being the same stupid man who helped cause all this in the first place.
It scares me to think what will happen in Ireland if I am not better than this. I have set a goal to be relaxed and fun loving over there and right now those are about the two furthest things from what I am.
I am being hard on myself and I know it's probably wrong, but I am just so determined to make at least my part of this work that I don't like it when it seems like I am at square one again.
Know what I hate the most? Those whiney posts like the last one I posted. It pisses ME off to read that dribble. Can't imagine what YOU feel when you read it. I know they are just venting on my part but damn...
Like I said, only a matter of days and I HAVE to get this stuff under control. I need to be firmly in control of myself and my happiness. Right now I am not and I know it. I WILL be when Thursday rolls around.
I will waive goodbye to the paranoid, anxious man and hopefully he won't be waiting for me when I return.
On another note, it seems like my W and I are role-reversed according to Mars/Venus because it's ME who wants to talk and HER who seems to go into a cave all the time...trying to figure out that one.
