You ever just get angry? Like, how DARE they do this to me? I know I did things to her, and continue to, but sometimes I just have to get that self pity out. Once I do, I can let go. That's where I am at this moment in time. Today has been cold. She has not really been around all day. Been me and the kids. She WAS actually here with us, but not if you get the idea. I guess once again I am angry at the thought that her needs are being met by some other guy and mine are just flapping in the wind. I know I am doing much better at finding my own happiness, but there is just some things that a partner is better for. I am not really sad or upset, just blah and a bit angry. Gonna have to listen to more Mars/Venus while I sweep and mop. My turn for it while W packs some things for the trip.
Also, the constant lies, or my perception of things as lies, is getting to me. Every time she says something that doesn't fit it makes me wonder. I only ever show it rarely, like last night. Most of the time I convince myself that it's all in my head. It's just some things are so blatant. Finding two of the same movies that she claimed were in her trunk last week to "watch on her own in the car with the portable DVD player" in the garage this morning just brought me down a notch or two. I put them away...she takes them again. Guess she didn't get to watch them on the DVD player that has been in my care all week... Yes OT, I know. I am being stupid, weak and indirect. Ok, I accept that. What I am doing though is focusing on my goal of making the trip to Ireland a fun time, and bringing up this stuff, or even letting it corrode my mind any longer, will NOT help me achieve that goal.
Limbo does this to a person.
So, I vent, therefore I am...better. I am gonna put the iPod back on, re-focus on the tasks at hand and go be a Martian again...there's a cave out there with my name on it!
