What about, "Thanks, I feel very unsettled when I'm afraid you are talking to OM, so your openness really helps me alot. Thanks for the support and understanding."
She is NOT open with me, this time, or any other when it comes to this stuff, and what support? She offers me NO support for anything, not that I expect it. I have tried the calm, direct approach, and she calmly, directly tells me the "truth". That's the $hitty thing about cheating on someone. It makes it hard to trust you again. Will that change? I hope so. Will I have to take the first steps in that? I don't know. I may have to, or maybe she will by ending the A.
(2) You KNOW do you????? Did it ever occur to you that MAYBE she talks in her car for privacy and MAYBE she needed to have a private conversation with her sister because she is going through alot right now or MAYBE she went to the car to call OM but resisted and called her sister instead and was feeling very good about that until YOU took her down a few notches.
Yea. Ok. Well, I guess I am human and I DO react to things sometimes. Could I be wrong. Sure. THAT'S why I QUICKLY smiled, changed the subject in a way that SUPPORTED HER STORY and went running as I had planned WITHOUT taking things any further.
Oops, I'm sorry, you said you KNEW she was talking to OM so I'm sure you have absolutely convincing evidence that those, or any other, possibilities are false.
You know, sarcasm is something I have tried to extricate from my life and I don't find it very helpful here. If you expect perfection from me, stop expecting. It won't happen. It was a bad reaction, one that I stopped before it got out of control. Trust me, she was just waiting for it. It never came.
And, I'm certainly glad you are being silent rather than addressing this simmering crock of sh*t directly at this point. Nothing breeds intimacy, love and trust like resentment. How long do you think it will be before she stops trying at all when you shoot down her smallest efforts? Why would she be willing to take any greater risks?
Now it's my turn for a WTF! Am I missing something? How was this an effort? Lying is an effort? Look, both my W AND SIL are available during the day to talk. Shutting herself in her car at the only time she knows I will be occupied tonight is a LITTLE strange if she wanted to talk to sis. She talks to her ALL the time right out in the open, but sure, it COULD have been the truth. Only her, her sister and her cell phone know for sure. I don't know why I would address anything. I shouldn't have said anything. You can all get ready to smack me for this, especially you OT, but if it were ME, or really anyone trying to make right an affair they had, then it would stand to reason that THEY would be the ones to go out of THEIR way to explain away things like this and UNDERSTAND a little paranoia now and then. I mean, really, we are dealing with an ongoing affair. It is somehow unreasonable that every once in awhile, like maybe once a week, I slip a bit. I guess so, and I will work on never slipping.
I suggest you go apologize to her immediately for your passive/aggressive and sarcastic sh*t. That you admit it was a zinger that you threw at her because of your own hurt.
Yes, I did throw that zinger because of my own hurt. I will not apologize. Sorry. I guess I will let you down on that one.
You know, she already hurt or she wouldn't have had an A. If you are going to punish her for the A by zinging her everytime she tries to be more open with you, you may as well call it quits right now.
So once again, I need to understand this. SHE is the one that's hurt? I am the one punishing her? I fully understand I did a lot of this and I am FAR from being the man I want to be, but I am NOT punishing her. IF I wanted to do that, I would not be here. And how exactly was what happened her being open with me? You assume as much as I do here. You assume YOU are right and she was telling the truth, otherwise why do I need to apologize? Frankly, I don't care which of us is right or wrong. Until my W says that the A is over and the OM is not in her life, I will have trouble believing odd behavior like this is innocent. That said, IF I am going to continue to live in the shadow of this A, I need to do a better job of owning that decision. I know that.
I am trying SO hard to just live day by day, and I am doing ok. This moment between my W and I is just another in the string that I am trying to stop. I KNOW I was wrong to react with anything but directness. For THAT I am sorry, but not for my feelings. I DO accept your judgment on that, but I do not accept your making her somehow a victim in this. We are BOTH doing hurtful things and until that stops, I think there is bound to be more little slip-ups here and there.
