NM, thanks for the post. I think there is a lot of emphasis being placed on this trip for many reasons, not the least of which is it's our first vacation in almost a decade. We are both terribly excited. I suppose some of that carries over into my thoughts on it's impact on the R. Something that may be important to mention here is that for the longest time, when my W would get in moods where she seemed really unhappy about life or our M (not that she would really come out and say she was unhappy in the M) it would almost always go back to her not getting to travel abroad for so long. She dearly misses her London and second only to missing London is her missing traveling in general. Her family has always traveled the world and I always thought that IF we could somehow afford to, or make the time to travel, it would make her happier in general and some of our issues would be a little less prevalent. That was LONG before all this. So maybe that explains why I think there is so much potential in this trip for recharging and reconnecting. It's also why I mistrust the trip, or her motives for it because she would do just about anything to travel right now, including going with a man she isn't particularly interested in right now...but...I choose to focus on the positives!
Maybe you should look at it as a "first date" {beginner's mind} kind of thing with your W. Maybe before you go, if it hasn't been discussed already, you could ease her mind a little, {as well as yours} by stating to her that you aren't placing any expectations on this trip. Get it out front before you go rather than while you are there and potentially spoiling a good, relaxing time.
That is my plan, in other words than I have used to describe it, but close enough. Actually I have been thinking of this whole process as me starting over with the courtship of my W. I am starting to date her again. Of course that is a little different process when you live with the person already but wth! As for saying anything to her about my approach, I think I will just do it rather than say it. In the past I have been accused by her of talking too much and acting too little. 180 is in order for sure.
Are you an 'agenda' type person or spur of the moment? Maybe try the opposite on this trip. Unless of course it's a guided tour - I'm sorry if I'm not up to speed on the finer details. But, you still have the potential do 180's while you are there.
I guess my W perceives me as an agenda person. I'd like to think I am more flexible and spontaneous, but if I look at things from her perspective, I guess I am not. SO, when I suggested during the initial planning of this trip that we NOT book any hotels or make any plans past day 2 in Dublin, her jaw dropped. "You want to what?" she asked. "I want to just be free to rent a car and explore the country. I want to just do what we want, when we want to do it. That's my dream for this trip." I said. She replied "That really surprises me. You always need a plan before we do anything. Wow." So, the 180 is already in full motion for me on that note, and with much success I may add.
And, don't ask the status of the A. While enquiring minds want to know, DB advises against it. Act "as if"....maybe re-read the parts of DB significant to your sitch prior to your departure for a refresher course. Our egos and our pride cause us to do stupid things we deem as our right. DBing feels unnatural to most of us, but it makes so much sense. Don't ask, don't beg, act fun, friendly and happy go lucky - especially apt when in Ireland with the luck of the Irish and all that!!
Great suggestion, both the "don't bring it up" part and re-reading DB to brush up on the appropriate parts before I go. Will do. Also I am going to read/listen to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus before the trip to maybe gain some much needed insight into male/female communication. I hope to do MUCH better on that front during this trip. I want SO much to just have fun, act friendly and just enjoy what will likely be the time of my life!
