I agree with everything C4H says--and not just b/c he's a cool guy.

You know, both H and I had anger problems. He was angry with life, miserable and took it out on everything BUT me. With me, he pushed me away, emotionally, wanted to be alone in his misery. It got lonely and old, and I felt like a failure for not being able to help a depressed and angry person. Then I became one. I lashed out at him at everything, which just added to his misery. See the cycle. Yes, H definately sees me as controlling (read my thread) and too saw him as controlling, and he realizes that. Controlling does not mean you tell a person what to do, but rather that your moods set the tone of the day/family/life and you KNOW IT and USE IT. That's bad. If you're not happy, no one is. Both H and I were like that.

He woke up 1 year ago when we moved to a place with a MUCH better job for him, and I was still stuck in my old behaviors toward him, didn't see that he had changed. He, on the other hand, calmed down, was happy in life and expected me to be happy "hey, I'm much happier now, now we can ALL be happy..I can be a more engaged and loving H..." When he broke, trying everything for 1 year and finally withdrawing, I snapped out of my anger.

I'm still not perfect, and situations like today my emotions seep in....but I can see it now. I feel so badly b/c I now know how it makes him feel, I feel sad, I try to control my emotions. I still don't ever get angry like I used to.

So, I agree, your H does have some serious anger....getting physical with things is dangerous. He is threatening and intimidating. He will snap out of it, I think he can.

I don't know what you can do, though. For me, like C4H, it was seeing life tip over, and snapping out of it...I wasn't like that. For H, it was the same. Gaining control over life and being in a calm space to see the past clearly and want to change.

I believe he will get there...he's showing signs. It's slow at first, you let the light of truth in little by litle and then BANG, you realize what a jerk you were and change wholesale.

Maybe the move will help? What do you think makes him so angry? A certain stress in life? Money?