New Year, New Life, New Me...New Thread!

[always_14]

Great points, WCW.

SE...I know you're heated. Just take some rest, but tomorrow, know that I'll be on your back again to get to the bottom of this.

You know you have it in you to really answer the questions and that there is a cause/effect cycle going on. It sucks to be on the receiving end of his behavior...my H hated it too and I was pretty infantile as well. Which triggered his comment "thanks for being calm and supportive" while it felt like a HUGE compliment, it was also a JAB...meaning "in the past you were a nag, unsupportibe and a total lunatic when I was going through hard times."

Remember, I was your H once, in many ways (not all). So, let's work through this together.

He's being an ass for a reason. We'll get to the bottom of it. Don't give up.

[StrongEnough]

H does nothing to help you. Didn't you just talk about Friday when you helped him with the basement? got it all cleaned out and cleaned up?

Yes, he did help me. Like I said he will occasionally pitch in to help me out. That was the first and last time in a while.

Me time" - does he think Me Time only counts as getting out of the house? and you went and took a nap, which there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but he may think it doesn't count an Me Time.

No, he counts that as me time.

Do you talk to H's face like you talk about him here? calling him names,etc??? or is this venting here?

I am venting. I don't talk that way to anyone, I just think it. I simply told him he was acting like an @sshole and treating me like sh!t.

As for your first question, it would have to be a 1/2 day day-care center. I have mentioned this to H and he was less then thrilled because of the expense.

[StrongEnough]

Always- thanks. I didn't go to bed because H beat me to it without telling me. Just made me more upset.

The root of the problem is I didn't come out and tell him I was going to take a nap. He was mad that when my dad called he has to look for me. These were his words. The rest of the BS is just the effect of that action.

I didn't tell him because I only intended on laying down for a bit before going out to get rid of my headache. Never expected to fall asleep. I'm not a napper.

The reason I vent here so strongly is because he thinks it's ok to talk to me how he wants and treat me how he wants and act how he wants. More often then not, I refuse to give in and lower myself to his level. So I come here and type it out to let it out. He can attack me for the smallest little thing and I am just supposed to cower down like a puppy dog who's been slapped on the nose with a news paper. I can't do that, but I can't argue with him either. No, I can I just wont. But if bigger issues arise on his part, like the working late and coming in with no shirt on because he left it in the car, took it off at work....when I questioned him.....I got the shirt thrown at me and some not nice things said to me.

Sorry if I came across like I act insane....I don't...that's why I'm insane here instead.

~SE

[always_14]

You're NOT insane. It's like every word you say is like hearing my H, so sad.

So, that's why I'm trying to pull you through questions, thoughts...because I guess it's like helping my H through it too.

I don't think you're insane, or outlandish...you're a saint for putting up with what you are....so is my H. I used to get upset out the smallest things too, and let it spin out of hand into a multitude of other actions (like your nap).

Tomorrow is a new day...and we'll tackle it together again. It's good for me to talk to you, b/c it helps me see things clearly and consistently...the consequences of my actions.

[StrongEnough]

Thanks again. I guess I really needed to hear that I wasn't insane. I think the two of us working together on this issue is a great idea.

Until tommrow then, hope you get s good night' sleep.

I have to confess too, I can be an emotional eater was doign so well on Day1 on WW's.......yup......right out the winde. <sigh>

[StrongEnough]

Ok, today is another day. Another chance to not be miserable.

I did blow my diet in a super huge way last night. I am back on the wagon today.

Well, so much for being detached. H impacted me in a big way last night. This morning, after not speaking all night, I got the standard apology that he was sorry for how he acted and that the argument was stupid. It's the same old-same old from him.

SO, I fell a little freer today since I no longer have to worry about getting any work done for the wicked witch of the west. Time to polish up my resume and start sending it out. I can't sit here day in and day out and stay sane.

I am going to take time to read through all the threads from last night and take any lesson that I may be able to get from it.

Thanks for everyone who helped...and WCW...thanks for that kick in the butt. Sometimes I really need that!

~SE

[Becca1975]

SE, like me, it is time for you to set some boundaries. If you haven't already, now would be a good time to read "Love Must Be Tough". No one deserves to be screamed at like that. My H doesn't so much scream, but he shows his anger in other ways and I'm just not gonna put up wtih it any longer. I'm setting boundaries. He does not have the right and your H does not have the right.

[StrongEnough]

Becca- Thanks for the advice. I have set boundaries. H has admitted he needs to handle better and differently then he currently does. The problem is when he gets angry, all boundaires, rules and so forth are out the window and his anger and release of that anger gets priority.

I agree that no one deserves to be treated the way he treats me sometimes. Ironically, he is the first one to speak up when my mother is off the wall and treating me like crap. So he can spot the behavior, know it's wrong, yet still not be able to control it in himself.

He did not apologize for the "boyfriend" comment he made last night in reference to the boards. He is so insecure that the mere fact that I come here and post here send him into a tizzy.

I will look for the book you recommend.

Ironic thing. I am cleaning D10's room. To say it looks like a tornado ripped through it is an understatement. Well, she has journals and diaries up the ying yang. SO, in trying to determine which ones were old, I came across something she wrote in one of her journals on 1/01/06. She told her journal that she had a really bad dream the night before. In looking back, that was the night that I asked H for a seperation and he flipped out on me screaming, swearing and slamming his head into things. Got totally sh!t faced and passed out in the living room. She didn't have a bad dream, she had a bad reality. This really makes me sad for her.

[StrongEnough]

Last night was a decent night. Took the kids to H's restaurant and we all had dinner. I had a long talk with H and finally got him to agree to listing the house with an agent and to putting more time and effort into getting it ready. He knows that I am ready to go.

Yesterday at H's work, rumor went around that he was going to the university next week. He wasn't set to go until April, but he has his testing this Friday and they might be sending him next week. Thanks for such short notice guys! That's ok though, I can handle things here without him.

So, the manager was on last night that I am suspicious of. Again, she avoided eye contact with me and only spoke to my kids. THat only makes me more suspicous. When we got home, H made a point to tell me she was a crappy manager and if he takes that location over..she's gone. UH-HUH. But, I'm letting it go, not letting it bother me.

~SE

[StrongEnough]

Yeah me! I have finally booked some "me" time. I got an invitation for a slot tournament. So, never having gone before, I signed up for this one and I booked myself a room! I will invite H along, but it's a weeknight so getting a babysitter is going to be difficult. I doubt he will be able to go.

Hopefully, he isn't going to get angry with me for going. Ya' never know.

~SE