This is sort of an awakening for me as well. I was accused of being controlling in my M. And now I can see another reason that it happened. Maybe in my current R, I can avoid the BS.
There is more to to this whole issue of control too. Another facet if you will. I found that often I would get a picture in my minds eye of what the ideal outcome of situation or and event would/should. Accurate or not, based in reality or the realm of possibility or not. I would have that image in my mind.
If reality didn't live up to that expectation, if the best laid plans went awry then on comes the attitude. Pout - get angry - control, control, control - make her feel bad she'll do what I want.
Try this for and example (No, this didn't really happen, but it could have.)
Big romantic evening planned, dinner reservations, theater tickets, some little romantic suprises planned throughout the evening, baby sitter is on her way to the house. Possibity of hot sex at the end of the evening. Thirty minutes before we head out the door the five year old decides to come down with a 102 degree fever, an puke up everything ingested over the last three days. Damn, Damn, Damn. If I get mad, if I pout, if I act selfishly and try real hard I can manipulate this situation, we'll still go out, I'll still get laid.
Yeah - right. Reality isn't matching the expectations, so try to make it fit, but it won't it never will. Now it all goes down hill from here.
The person trying to manipulate or control the situation can't so they feel bad. The person being manipulated or controlled, feels bad, either because they are made to feel that they've dissapointed their spouse or because they are being bullied by their spouse.
Everybody feel bad and resentment is in full bloom.
Does this sound at all familiar?
You really should be paying me for this stuff today. Maybe we can work something out. Wink, Wink.
