RE Nicky I think is a pretty interesting statement Lou. H and I have severe issues with this.
Nicky, some of your issues are/were also issues in my M.
I snored so BB left the M bed and set up her bed in another room for 5 years. During that time I felt lost and alone a lot. To self-sooth I stayed up later and later, 3AM many times. I don’t know which came first in your M, your H feeling something or staying up late.
About a year and a half ago I got the snoring problems mostly solved and now use a CPAP and mask. In my mind, yuck to look at but we are in the same bedroom after many back and forth about territory, things in the room, radio on all night, etc.
I still have trouble going to bed when BB does. Why? Old issues, her LD, the radio, my computer usage, generally old baggage.
What have I done to correct this? Some times I go to bed with BB, sometimes I stay up, sometimes I give BB lots of attention and get little in return. Like Chrom's situation, the pot is still cooking. Wisdom that you can use? The pot is still cooking.
Just wanted to let you know from a my point how it "might" feel to your H. Your situation is different and I don't want you to think I have the answers. You might say him being in bed with you is comforting to you.
In my computer time did I look at pictures, yes. Never paid for anything. Never contacted anyone because of a picture. Did I want to? Maybe for a few moments but I know enough about relationships to know that does not work. About Your H contacting someone and how you would feel if he did? I guess you will have to cross that bridge "IF" it happens.
I will say I learned a few things as I had a somewhat sheltered sexual life and never was daring enough in my younger years to find out what people were doing much past the common missionary position. I also look at and read many, many web sites about relationships to try to figure out what I might do to improve our R.
What is your H doing? I don’t know. All I can comment on is why I did what I did and why did BB do to contribute to me doing it.
I could write more but it might be TMI, not useful for you, and I don’t want this post to be about what I needed or about me, but to just say the relationship journey is still an unwritten book.
I have another service call. If you want any more information/ what if/ could it be, just ask.
