Really need some advice!!!

[sage]

Regardless of whether or not you or anyone else (w's family for instance) feels as though her resentments are justified, there is absolutely no harm in addressing them, right? You say they are little things? GREAT. That should make them very easy for you to fix.

I'd do a few things if I were you...

1. I would make a list of your w's grievances if you know them (and if you don't I would casually ask her about them or start really paying attention to her reponses to you).

Then I would make a list of activities that you currently do that reinforce her issues.

Then, it is quite straightforward to identify ways to turn those around.

Example: h thinks I do not show enough enthusiasm when returning home from work

* I check the mail before greeting him

* I tend to be lowkey in greeting him

* I have trouble disengaging from work

Etc.

2. If you haven't read "The Five Love Languages" and "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", definitely do so.

3. I would think about expanding your "beginner's mind" regarding your w's "emotional issues". What would happen if you stopped viewing her this way? Look through you post and see how many definite opinions you have about your w. What if you let go of those?

Sage
Sage