The More Things Change......

[PArob]

I guess I’m done hijacking GH’s thread and probably should focus on writing my own stuff instead! Another weekend under our belts and another week of re-evaluation for me. For the most part, I can’t complain about the weekend….spent some really good quality time with the girls and with W as well. On Saturday, we took the girls to visit the Crayola Factory in Easton…what a blast they had and I have to admit, so did I! We spent the whole day there just doing activities and such. D5 was in the midst of a cold (which I think she’s passed on to dear old dad) and was miserable for the last part of the day. But what a great time we had.

I guess I had some relapses on Saturday morning and Sunday morning, although I don’t think I would term them as relapses or backsliding. I was really standing up for my feelings and calling W out on something I felt she had no right in questioning. On Saturday morning, I got up earlier than W so I could help get things ready for the trip. I had to log on the computer and find directions to the factory. Also, W had tried to balance the check book the night before, but was unable to log on to the bank website for whatever reason. So, I logged on to see if it was working yet or not….no big deal. Something struck me as odd (and not odd in terms of her hiding something) but she had went to Target the day before I there was no charge for target on the account….again, not odd, but odd. In any event, I mentioned it to her only because she keeps track of this stuff….immediately she got defensive and said she had used on of the credit cards. Okay, no big deal, but she literally flew off the handle at me. Okay, I told her it was unfair (hey, I contribute to the account too) and we left it at that. About a half hour later, I mentioned to her that we would need to get some money from the ATM to cover parking at the Crayola Factory…this prompts the comment from W: “I have twenty dollars that I got yesterday in case we needed it for that….but of course you probably already knew that.” Okay, she was implying that I was snooping. Sure, I’ve been guilty before, but it really was an innocuous statement. This started a round of arguments that basically ended up with nothing gained. I dropped it, she dropped it. The day went smoothly from there.

Sunday morning, a little bit more of the same, except that I had invited her to go to lunch with the girls and I. W had got up earlier than usual on Sunday and was in the living room on the couch doing word puzzles and being, well, there but not there. Eventually I asked if she were okay, and this started another round of arguments. I withdrew after a bit and went to take a shower. Eventually, W came out in the kitchen and hugged me, gave me a kiss and said she didn’t want to fight. Great, that was my goal too. The rest of the day went fairly well. Sunday night, I got a couple of TM’s from her at work saying that she loves me very much, that she wants the simple life we had back, that she is sorry that anything like this ever got between us and that she was sorry she said some horrible things to me this weekend. Yes, all good sounding stuff and truthfully it felt good to hear it.

So that’s where things are today. Things still aren’t 100% better and honestly, I don’t think we are even 75% of the way there. There are several things that keep nagging at me as I examine our M and our R to determine whether I can find happiness. I just don’t know. I had mentioned this last week and some things still nag at me. Can I forgive the A? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that with time and some real effort on her part, it can become a thing of the past. What I’m not so sure of is whether she can put forth the effort to win my trust. Some other things, mostly behavorial, have really thrown me for a loop. I don’t know if I want to go into detail because I don’t’ want to seem like I’m jaded, but after investing a good deal of emotion into saving this R, I wonder if she’ll be able to do the same. Oh well, it’s a rhetorical question for the time being. I guess I’ll re-evaluate after the end of March and see where things stand there.

Hope everyone else had a good weekend. I look forward to catching up on your sitches.