Quote: But with the second, it instills guilt in her and makes her feel bad about herself (even thought I'm describing ME), she ends up saying that she feels horrible that she can't give me what I want or need. I also wonder if it also pushes her away in a different way, by sounding needy, desperate, wimpy?
I tend to agree with this. They say you can't argue with how someone feels, well somebody tell my W this. She does it all the time. I could say that I feel bad because someone died and she'd tell me I was stupid for feeling that way if she didn't like the person (well not really, but you get the point). That is one of the big problems from HER side of this. She constantly argues with how I feel. Now, I admit to FEELING too much sometimes, but still, that supposed safety zone that exists where if we stick to OUR feelings and stay away from talking about their feelings or actions, then we are ok does not exist in my marriage. It is one of the things that I have changed about myself (oh, of course I used to do the same thing..."honey, you don't need to cry over that. It's stupid, they were just being a-holes. You shouldn't be sad over that...oops) and a change I would like to see in her. Especially now she takes everything personally, even more than before, so I am very guarded about expressing anything to her that she may be able to turn around on me. Sad but true. It IS getting better and time is taking care of some of it. The rest is up to her/me/us.
