Forget the 2x4s, the whip, I’m going to buy stock in Duct Tape and use it on ya’ll…keep those ever loving mouths of yours SHUSHED!!
Oh my Rob…have you ever had an addition? Smoking? Coffee? Chocolate? Have you ever tried to get over the addiction? What was it like for you?
I know I have tried a couple of times the past few months to quit smoking. Now I know it is bad for my health, I hate the way cigarettes smell, the clothing, hair etc. It’s my only vice in life…and it’s my life and I’ll quit when I am ready…Okay, I have tried to quit. I cut down a bit but I wasn’t smoking all that much to begin with. can But once I have that cup of coffee in the am, I NEED a smoke…there is nothing like a cup of coffee or even an alcoholic beverage and a smoke.
So how does one break an addiction…some can do it cold turkey, some use other methods to curb their addiction until they are weaned off the drug, some even go as far as finding something else to be addicted to. The same thing goes with a A. It’s an addiction. You fight against what you know/feel is right vs. something that makes you feel so good when you are in it.
Some can break this addiction cold turkey…sometimes it’s when faced with exposure of the A, sometimes when a life/death situation intervenes and sometimes they go from one addiction (person) to another still in search of the feeling good sense. Others know that to be successful in recovery you have to experience the highs/lows of coming down off the high. You find yourself a good sponsor (the LBS or a therapist) to help the recovery process. Any setbacks, backslides can only bring back the addiction and perhaps even make it more powerful. Just like give me moderate stress level and the first thing I reach for, a smoke!
None of us live in a FedEx world, there is no instant fix or cure for matters of the heart…we can want all we want, doesn’t mean we’ll ever get what we want in life. Your wife knows what she is doing is wrong. She is struggling with it. But you need to back off of her and stop trying to control the situation. Let her open to you when she is ready.
I also agree with NYS that to move forward with your R the op has to be gone from her life. However, you have to help her feel comfortable in letting go of him. He is her safety net as he said. Just a friend that she can talk to. She needs to find that same comfort level with you.
