Quote: And really, if you KNOW that what you're doing is counterproductive, then WHY do you insist on doing it?
I said the book Reinventing Yourself was not particularly good for me, but one thing it did do a good job of pointing out is how the victim's mind works. Any expression of feeling helpless when trying to control one's behavior is seen as a victim's way of thinking. You somehow get satisfaction in behaving this way. How do I know? Because I do too. It feels, well, good isn't really the word for it, but it feels pleasing to be the victim. It's easy to say "I can't help myself." It takes the responsibility away from you and places it somewhere else. I had a really interesting moment the other day when my W had her cell in the house and the OM called. I got pissed, stormed upstairs, threw myself on the bed and got all prepared to have a good cry...know what? It didn't happen. I really tried, but something inside me finally decided that it didn't want to do that anymore. I MADE THE DECISION not to make an action out of the emotion I was feeling. I decided that even though I felt entitled to a little tantrum, I was not going to allow myself to feel good about it. It was negative and feeling anything positive about it was bad, at least for me. What I am getting at is you need to realize that some part of you wants this drama. Some part of you feeds on it. Maybe it's the part that believes that enough drama will get her attention. Maybe it's something else, but I really believe that when you finally decide that you don't want to do something, you simply don't do it, at least in these situations. Being a crack addict is another story. The human spirit is a wonderful thing in the right hands and if you allow yourself, you can overcome these negative ideas and emotions to get to a point where you no longer need to express them. They still exist, but they are once and for all, yours.
