Thank you for your comments as well. As with the activities, I don't want to make it sound like sitting around vegging is something that I prefer to do....in fact, up until recently, the Sunday afternoon thing was rare. This also her time to catch up tv time and relax before starting the work week (she works nights). So I didn't want to give a wrong impression there. For the most part, it is just our default lazy day.
As for activities, you are absolutely correct. I have started taking a more proactive approach to planning outings and will continue to do so. We have a few things planned for the next several weeks that I'm really looking forward to and it does give her something to look forward to as well.
Quote: Choose your battles more wisely.
Ahhh, yes. Wise indeed. In hindsight, I see her statement for exactly what it was. Over the past several months, I have been working on dropping the defenses and really listening. For the most part, I have been doing much better....for some reason at that time and place, the statement really struck me as accusatory. Sure, if I could go back to Saturday night, I would take a totally different approach. I truly see these statements as examinations of herself and not statements as against me....sometimes the defenses go up. This is not the first time she's questioned her self-worth vis-a-vis the girls, and each time I take the time to point out that she is a wonderful mother and that she is doing a great job with them. Last night when she mentioned that she wasn't winning any awards, I pointed out some positive things she had done for the girls throughout the day.
In general, she has a feeling of very little self-worth at this point with regard to everything. She has questioned whether we even need her in our lives, she has apologized profusely for "slacking" in regard to housework, etc. Recognize that I do not ever accuse her of this and when she does say these things, I do not attempt to invalidate them, but rather point out that she is working very hard and that I do not mind doing a lot of the things I have been doing.
As with participation with the children, this is something that I have been "pushing" lately because I have sensed W's feelings with regard to it. When I'm playing with the girls, I try to make it a point for them to get mommy involved as well.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
