Friday, was about as uneventful as life can get...
Shortly after I got home from work, I could see that my W was very tired. At 8:30 she went to lay down for about an hour, turns out she didn't wake up until 9 am the next day!
Saturday night... I retreat to the living room and watch tv while she sits in the kitchen doing Word Finds.
Sunday morning... We had plans to just sit around a veg all day, watch a movie, etc... She also mentions that she knows that there is more out there...
I was off work yesterday, so basically I watched W sleep and got caught up on my TV viewing. A couple of things she said yesterday: "this is boring, we need more excitement in our life", "I need to do something to get motivated, all I do is sit around anymore", "maybe I need to pick a room and start painting or something"... Now, for some of us that don't live in warmer climates, the winter months have traditionally been bad months for my W. She is always more depressed and less motivated to do things once the holidays have passed. Her thing is that she likes to always have something to look forward to...
In any event, as you can see not much is happening right now. This is pretty much same ole' same ole' in my book . I do know that I am starting to think differently regarding my needs and what it is I want. I just want to have a "normal" life right now and we are so far from it.
Though it's true that winter months can have a depressing effect, your W is signaling loud and clear, all the same, that planned activities are high on the list of priorities. Even more so, to compensate for the depressing effects of wintertime! She's telling you that sitting around watching TV and doing not much else together is depressing. You, on the other hand, are more anxious about her concern for her appearance and your need for a 'normal' life. It appears you're both suffering from living like roommates.
Instead of focusing on other issues, or reasons why things can't be done, take a proactive approach and find things to do. Get yourselves out of the house. The best motivation kick-start technique is to do something, motivation follows, not the other way around.
Saturday night, my W basically accuses me again of trying to "win the girls over." Now, I've said it before, but this statement REALLY bothers me... In any event, this statement really just irks me and so we begin to argue.
Choose your battles more wisely. You saw wife's statement as a negative accusation, which in turn got your defenses to rise and an argument ensued. Reframe it all. Wife says "You're always trying to win the girls over" - and you smile and laugh (not contemptuously) instead and let it roll off you, seeing it not as an accusation, but as a perception of hers. "Oh, honey, I'm sorry it's being taken that way. I'm just trying to be a better dad."
I mean, what's a statement like hers really mean, anyway? That she feels, by comparison, that she's being made to feel as not being a good enough mommy (which was expressed in her saying the next day "I'm not going to win Mommy of the year award this year")? She's actually expressing feelings of low self-worth, perhaps? So, it's not really about accusing you of anything, it's more about how she's feeling about herself.
Armed now with this knowledge, what do you think can you do about that?
Plan more activities between the two of you. Do anything. Plan some with the children, and gently encourage her participation with the children, and praising her for it, so that she basks all around in the reward of feeling better about her being a "good mommy".
