Not much new to report in my sitch. The weekend was, overall, pretty good, with the exception of Saturday night when things started to get out of hand a little bit. But other than that….
Friday, was about as uneventful as life can get. Shortly after I got home from work, I could see that my W was very tired. At 8:30 she went to lay down for about an hour, turns out she didn’t wake up until 9 am the next day!
On Saturday, we had promised the girls that we would do something fun, so on a family vote, we decided that Chuck E. Cheese’s was the place to be (ok, I have to say, not one of my favorite places to be!) The afternoon was good, the girls had a wonderful time and we called it a day. If things would have ended there, life would be grand, but of course there’s always more.
Saturday night, my W basically accuses me again of trying to “win the girls over.” Now, I’ve said it before, but this statement REALLY bothers me. Just because I’m nurturing a better relationship with my girls should mean that I am a bad person. I really feel that over the years, I had been too focused on doing what’s right for the family instead of having a better relationship with my girls. Not that we ever had a bad one, but still…. Also, considering that I’ve tapped into the patience reserved with regard to my sitch, I find myself being much more patient with the girls. Definitely a plus. In any event, this statement really just irks me and so we begin to argue. Fortunately, I don’t get in depth with arguments anymore because I know they just lead to nothing good, but her statements were really acidic. I recognize that much of this comes from her own guilt, but still…..
In any event, I retreat to the living room and watch tv while she sits in the kitchen doing Word Finds. Saturday night ends without anymore real drama.
Sunday morning, I roll over and give W a back rub. We had plans to just sit around a veg all day, watch a movie, etc. We’re sitting on the couch and I start a show. She asks me to pause it and proceeds to tell me that she loves me, she knows this is where she belongs, that this is her life, etc. A reassuring talk, but just words nonetheless. I tell her that I understand and that I’m glad to hear it, etc. She also mentions that she knows that there is more out there (in other words, excitement of being “single”, etc.), but this is her life. Okay, I get that. We all have been at a place where we wonder what it would be like to be single again. As it turns out, Sunday was a good day. We were both light hearted and got along very well.
I was off work yesterday, so basically I watched W sleep and got caught up on my TV viewing. A couple of things she said yesterday: “this is boring, we need more excitement in our life” “I need to do something to get motivated, all I do is sit around anymore…..maybe I need to pick a room and start painting or something” “I’m not going to win Mommy of the year award this year” Now, for some of us that don’t live in warmer climates, the winter months have traditionally been bad months for my W. She is always more depressed and less motivated to do things once the holidays have passed. Her thing is that she likes to always have something to look forward to. So I can chalk some of her actions, statements up to this. But other things that I have noticed just have me generally concerned. I am still worried about her constant obsession with weight and appearance.
In any event, as you can see….not much is happening right now. This is pretty much same ole’ same ole’ in my book . I do know that I am starting to think differently regarding my needs and what it is I want. I just want to have a “normal” life right now and we are so far from it. On the surface, things appear okay, but life has been put on hold and it is starting to eat away at me. I long for an intimate relationship, importance, normalcy. I wonder if it will ever come my way in this current R……
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
