first off I want to say that your posts have changed considerably around here lately.
Frankly I think they have been fantastic.
Youve been doing quite a bit less dissembling in general, though more with me there for a moment in your thread. Thats why Ive been in absentia. Its fun, but too confusing in this format, when its about R topics that are serious.
Ok done redirecting.
How do you feel about the fact that your marriage failed. I hate it with every fiber of my being. It infuriates me to no end, and the absolute stupidity of D, most D, and in particular THIS D fills me with such impotent rage that I cant even express it. I failed. and I hate myself for failing even with the second seperation, and the fact that she has had the nerve to come back and say 'we had it all, but it can never be the same.... can it?' Ohhh I know what that means, but that aside, NO SH!T you stupid B!tch. I'm not the one who forgot it and threw it away because of attraction. and I told her and I warned her. But I dont get to say that. Wont say that. externalizing. Im not a victim, and frankly I know what my mistakes were that added to it. she was no more able to control her emotional reactivity then I was. Cant expect from her what I couldnt give. and Im really really pissed at me for not being fast enough to stop the dominoes from falling. But I wasnt. and when you push the envelop all the time, and run on the razors edge, and walk the tight rope with no net, Its gonna happen. and it doesnt matter that it was the most important thing to be succesful at. Next time I cherish my diamond instead of flaunting it. So I wasnt smart enough, or fast enough, or educated enough, but Im still alive. of course. So maybe next time. Ive failed many times getting to my goals. Just keep learning from what didnt work.
So, Im not as much of a control wizard as I thought. We broke ourselves just to break the other person. Isnt that smart.
