I agree with the others that say to cut yourself some slack man. I chose to D my XH, I filed, I left HIM....yet it still took me years to get over the end of my M. There is a grieving process that you will have to go through, so just let yourself go through it, feel the feeling that are necessary for healing and moving forward....don't just try to shove it behind you and be a "macho man", that won't do you ANY favors in the long run.
I will tell you this also.... I was angry at my H for almost two years because he chose alcohol over me (his last drink was the day he walked out). One day I woke up and realized something was different, it was sort of like an avil dropped on my head, I realized....I wasn't angry at the man any longer.....in fact, I still loved him a great deal. Had I not tried to bulldoze my way back into the "social" thing and numb my pain by doing things to distract me I probably would have come to that realization much much sooner. Sad thing though, when I did finally come to that realization he had finally moved on himself (about a month earlier). He had been trying to reach out to me the entire time. Would call to see how I was doing, would bring me a gift by for my birthday or Christmas etc....always tried to keep in touch.....the man still loved me. By the time I woke up though he had given up on me and moved on (who could blame him either, two years is a bit of time to wait on someone to stop being mad at you.)
So feel what you need to feel don't retreat to your cave and numb that pain, get it out and get through it.....when it has passed you will see things much more clearly than you do right now. It's very possible you may find that your perception on your R with your XW changes, then again it may not. Right now you have every right to be angry with her but don't nail that door shut...leave it ajar so you can walk through it if you want to in the future.
