Quote: Today Im doing Ok, its been 5 months since my D. Get over it all ready, Im thinking.
Give yourself a break, blackfoot. When I got divorced (and I was only married for 4 years) I couldn't listen to the radio for two years because every song made me cry. And this was a D that I never regretted. My bf is just now getting "over" his-- it was eight years ago, and he has been in therapy and we also took a class on forgiveness.
If you "got over" a D in less than an year, possibly two, I would think you were an insensitive clod, and I KNOW you're not that. A D is a Big Deal, like a leg amputation, or like going blind-- or like someone chopping off your leg or poking your eye out with a stick. It's not like getting your hair cut, kwim?
The thing about a D that is so hard is that it is something you, or she, or you and she together do to the marriage. You basically kill it. You take this entity that you once loved and decide you (or she decides she) no longer love it and you hold its head under water until it stops moving. Like drowning a beloved dog because you are tired of feeding it. Even when there are good reasons, or when one of both of you are very unhappy-- it is a very sad and painful thing.
So don't expect to get over it any time soon. What you resist, persists. The pain is going to be there, accept that, and one day you will notice that it is less-- IF you don't keep pouring salt in the open sore.
And please stop resisting being the sensitive man that you are. Please stop pretending to be this "player" who has all the answers and never hurts. As a Whole Man, you can embrace all of what it means to be human, you can play all the roles, wear all the hats-- bartender, flirt, James Bond, strutting rooster, intellectual, little boy, playmate, sensitive best friend, witty jokester, loving partner-- but remember that under all of those roles is the unchanging ocean that is You. All of those roles are you, but you are not limited by any one of them.
You're going to hurt for a long time, but it won't be forever... don't run from the pain, just let it wash through you, it will eventually run out.
