Will someone please stop this maniac from posting without sufficient sleep?


Ladies.

your right. You suck at the comforting thing. Pipe down would ya. I need some quiet. (plus your making me squirm) Thanks for the good grub and the wine. <ahem> and the hugs.

Chrissy

Your right about the rewriting. It irritates me to no end, self protection mechanism it seems.
You have have helped me alot, from day one. Seeing a fellow control wizard in action its easy to see how hurtful it is to the SO.
When I talk with you, I am listening.

I am using illogic to rewrite.

One of my strength/weaknesses that Corri pointed out before, when she baited me with her quantum oscillator. (hmmm. sounds kinky. ) When I get overly tired, stressed, I dont have time, but continue to take on too much. lack of well being/overconfidance. Emotions get shut down, all that matters is solving the problem. bam bam bam, here is the answer, on to the next one. all processor, no humaness. bad for the R.

HP.
Your right, phooey. and I hope OTB is lurking about still. She liked me the way I was. I was the one who thought I needed to change (of course compromise in a R) and stuffed who I was. I was the one who became unhappy with who I was and of course she mirrored that. She just wanted me to be happy. IHO I wasnt with her.

Whenever I try to comfort H (the whole whopping *one* time he needed it),
Gosh. 1 time? criminey. Ive needed it at least 5 times in my life. Mr. H is such a stud. No wonder your so hot for him. Lucky you, having a guy like that.

Ill get there. Im working on it.

Karen
Did your testing directly lead to her choices? I doubt it. Was that testing ill advised in an R with someone you love and trust? Probably
No it was a straw. the heaviest, but not the final. ill-advised. absolutely. Not intentional, sub (mostly) concious. Too much stress. all logic, no heart. Lots of crashing insecurities. so simple to see now.

in the morning wake you early to go work out whether we were hung over or not.
Woman you ARE a masochist. get thoses boots away from me. I work out in the afternoon, before the drinking and partying starts. Important stuff first. Try to wake me when hung over --for anything other then emergencies, You will hear a ROAR- then continued deep breathing.

the real comfort will come from honest evaluation (not self flaggelation),
very true. you and another friend are smacking me proper. (damn. seriously. take those boots off. getting a little uppity there. ) I have a tendancy to take the self disciple to the flatulating-- I mean flaggelation extreme.

did you ever just let W be herself and be yourself in return?
Yes. of course. The first two years was drama and testing. 3 to 6 was good. 7 was taking for granted and slow dwindling of EC due to lack of QT. and 8 and 9 of course. Yee haa. Its not an adventure untill something goes wrong.

Did you show yourself to her?

Yes. Of course. She didnt like the insecure side.


LFL
That's not a Player BF Oh no you dont. Ive never thought that about myself untill you came along. no back tracking on me now. amongst all the other things, I played with my R. ignorant, naive, whatever you want to call it. Over confidance. and thats how women see me now, and it was bothering me immensely for a while there. Im a nice guy damnit. But its fine for now, I wont do rapport with them, (Like the real players do, with no honesty or cumpunction about the fallout), because I am not in a proper place. So if they see me that way, so be it. Its a protection. Itll work itself out.

Your self-esteem seems to have been really damaged by this mess (or was it always a mess...self-fulfilling prophecy?...hmmmm
excuse me? I think I am the cats meow. not proper H material with my inability to provide proper security, cuase of my incessenat push push pushing the envelope. but I allready know Its mellowing. nothing like I used to be. probably just a mild mania/MLC from D. a few more years and I will have mellowed enough. too old for kids then though. and yes with the self fullfilling thing- allready covered before.
I won't subject another woman to me" attitude. Yuck BF! You know that's an attraction killer and will come out subconsciously in your interactions with future women

It is huh. Well I must not believe it then or be hiding it really well currently. LOL. Ok ok your right.

Lil
Today Im doing Ok, its been 5 months since my D. Get over it all ready, Im thinking. Also I allowed a friend to poke and prod me relentlessly last night about the difference between acceptance and control, till I was freaking PISSED off. Interesting because I feel better today. Dropping the frame control is good sometimes. Oh yeah, and I hung out with a barn Owl yesterday, at work, 80 feet up. He came, we chilled for a bit, then he left. Really cool.

Stig.
I prefer platinum over gold. Its rarer dontchaknow. Ill be skimming the dross off for the rest of my life.

OM was tainted for life IMO the moment x swore him off. She should have known better.
The reality of it is. I poked her in the eye a real good one, with my 4 hour quiet slice and dice/LBing. She poked me right back. very predictable. Dr. Harley warned me. I dont allow myself mistakes, why should she? j/k.
she poked me So good my one good eye left couldnt see enough of the sitch to be anything other then protective and reactive. ditto for her.

cest la vie. Just cause you can see the problem from all angles, doesnt mean you can put humpty dumpty back together again.