Emerging from my cave

[Stigmata]

Well, I will not speculate on door openings/closings as I find myself following the same path as blackfoot, while in the first few stages of the same journey.

I will say this situation is necessary. It's like how they purify gold. High heat. Very high heat. (emotional pain) And the impurities rise to the surface and are skimmed away (anger, resentment, bitterness, betrayal etc.).

This had to be the course, at least for now. Before the D, x said "let me go" a number of times. Thats what he did. Boundary. Making her be responsible for her words and actions. If she was bluffing to get him to chase, she's paying for her hubris. If not? So be it; he granted her wish and was not needy, begging, or supplicating. Quite the opposite.

And he set a necessary hard boundary during Reconcile. Return to OM in the midst of giving the reconcile an honest hard effort, and it's over. She got angry and returned to OM in midst of the reconcile.

Just as her original choice to become unfaithful with OM, causing all of this immense strife, so was her choice to willingly return to a very very dangerous "don't go there" mutual understanding. OM was tainted for life IMO the moment x swore him off. She should have known better.

In both cases, if BF had placated or folded x would not have respected him IMO. If he had pleaded for her that he would never let her go in the first case as she told him to let her go; if he quickly took her back after warning her about returning to OM in the second case. Paper boundaries. Hence no respect. Especially for the long run with inevitable future lifelong major fcuk ups and tests. Tough Love.

Current pain from the purification to make potential future gold....

...and whether the gold ends up to be a new R with x or new R with OW is unknown at this point. And has to take its natural course or both of them will lose credibility with each other IMO.

Thanks for your help in my own similar painful process as well, bf...nothing teaches like experience.

-Stigmata-