I am upon much introspection, A player as LFL said. Play with my careers, play with my finances (I am buying a house in this bubble of CA, gambling almost all on another rise. No OG Ill never do interest only unless I am the lender.) play with my life. This general state of being/attitude is what broke x.
Ill not ask any woman to deal with that again, unless or untill that changes about myself. I have no need to change it, as there is only me to worry about. I did change it quite a bit once in many ways. It leaks out. The efforts were not enough/or appreciated.
Ah...BF...you're making me sad. Seems I am not alone. You clearly have an effect on women, from your ex crying at the bottom of the shower, to us cyber-chicks, wanting to reach out and give you a big old hug to ease your pain. That's not a Player BF. That's a sensitive but strong guy. You have A LOT to offer a lucky woman. Don't forget it! (Geez, I feel like I'm talking to Chrome now). So you need to work on your approach a little, who doesn't. No one is perfect. Your self-esteem seems to have been really damaged by this mess (or was it always a mess...self-fulfilling prophecy?...hmmmm) . It almost sounds like you just can't do it anymore. Your efforts aren't enough. F-this. Will never remarry. Ok. Personal choice. But don't make that decision based on "I won't subject another woman to me" attitude. Yuck BF! You know that's an attraction killer and will come out subconsciously in your interactions with future women for sure. Need to get a handle on that one. But I think you know that already. Ok, enough. I hope you are well. Don't be a stranger.
