I remember when I first decided to start posting here, I thought maybe I can give guys a different perspective on attraction/being nice.
The longer I am here the more clearly I see my mistakes and things I need to work on because I place myself in the H's shoes and see how my x reacted just like the ladies do here to my need for cave time, indifference, taking for granted, and in General just being a Man.
So thank you everyone and most specifically the ladies for chronicalling your stories, and giving me big chunks of humble pie for me to stuff myself with.
I have much appreciation for the mirror of this BB though, and will try not to ignore.
RE: Cobra Cobra I am an A$$hole with a Capital A. im human and my emotions get me down, run me around, heck I need my cave time on occasion. But because I have some knowledge of R's and some skills, I cannot let myself off the hook. So I am going to be kind and not subject her to me anymore. Comprende? In addition to that I clearly said during Reconcil 'contact OM again. DONE'. She made her choice. We have to live with it.
The withdrawals are hard core for both of us. but she did do what was best for her. and I respect that. gonna help us both out and stay the course of cold turkey towards our Individual recoveriers. Cobra. You are right. I have a lot of emotion for her. but if I loved her I wouldnt have made her feel this.
the following is copy and pasted from a email. x: " I don't think you have any clue the effect you still have on me. I tear out my heart every time I see you. (dont know what she is talking about. Pictures maybe?) I can't imagine that being with somebody that makes you wail at yourself to numb the pain insides is good for you. Everday I lay in the bottom of my shower and cry......"
She has not figured her sh!t out/ as evidenced by the anxiety attacks/victim mentallity/come save me attempt to motivate me. I have not figured my sh!t out because pretty much nothing in my life has changed. I work more, sleep less, race my MC, drink on Fridays.
P.S. Ladies thanks for the kind comments. It wasnt V day that got me down. Its after the interacion with F's that x haunts me. Its not supposed to work like that. Currently im swamped with work. even though I dont do, nor will do one night stands, I am upon much introspection, A player as LFL said. Play with my careers, play with my finances (I am buying a house in this bubble of CA, gambling almost all on another rise. No OG Ill never do interest only unless I am the lender.) play with my life. This general state of being/attitude is what broke x.
Ill not ask any woman to deal with that again, unless or untill that changes about myself. I have no need to change it, as there is only me to worry about. I did change it quite a bit once in many ways. It leaks out. The efforts were not enough/or appreciated.
Anyways. very busy. be out of state at end of month. Hope everyone takes care, keep having FUN with your SO. Gonna go back to cave for a bit.
