There is only one reason I ask that question – it is because of the great pain I see you in, a pain I experienced years ago when I broke up with my girlfriend. I still regard that as the greatest mistake of my life and regret it to this day. I have no idea if I would be happier now had we stayed together. Maybe, maybe not.
But the thing I regret the most is that I could have done something to prevent that, I could have change that fate. I hated losing her, but my hurt and pride was too great to go back. I thought I was doing what was best. Move on. Find someone you can trust. Build on a better foundation. Well maybe she was the best foundation I was destined to run across. And judging a future with her based on what I experienced at the time was short sighted. Our relationship and breakup changed the both of us. Time apart to grow and learn from our mistakes changed us more.
You have the great advantage of knowing so much more about relationships than I ever did. Your assumption that you could never repair your relationship with your ex is false. Give the both of you time to heal, just as you are doing. But don’t close the door to a possible future with her. It may happen. It may not. But as long as you hold on to your pride, your righteousness, I know it will never happen. And then, ten years down the line, you may look back and ask yourself what the h*ll did I do?!
This is a hard thing to live with, what you’ve had to endure. The future will not necessarily be easier. You are a very confident person. Each of us has our lessons we must learn in this lifetime. Maybe yours is to learn a little humility (ok, mine too). If so, you may never find another women with whom you will feel as close a bond. But by then it will be too late. She will be married, with a family. And you will realize your mistake and the realization of your lesson. Don’t seal your fate to taking this path. Leave the door open to avoid it. Take advantage of your youth and the time you still have. If you two are meant to be together, it will happen. But you have the power to override that. For now, I don’t see any reason to do so. Look at GEL. You both were on the very same road and came to the very same fork. You went one way and she went the other.
All this is why I feel compelled to speak to you, whether you agree or not. I made my mistake. Maybe I can prevent someone else from doing so too. Just remember that in the end, we have to live with all this relationship mumbo jumbo that we throw around on this board. The bottom line is HOW DO WE FEEL. If you are in pain what good is all this stuff, no matter how much sense it makes? Go back out to the desert, smoke a little peyote and listen to your heart. It is talking to you. You know it. That is why you built up the dam and why you fear the dynamite.
