Darnnit BF, didn't you see that "hypothetically" at the beginning of the question?!

guess I missed that. chuckle.

but you are somewhat on to me. And I am very uncomfortable sharing that of course.

big shocker. you need a new thread.

I feel quite guilty because sometimes I don't feel that attracted to H.
Were you attracted to him when he was on his way out the door? What attributes about your H do you really like?

I do love him and I have newfound respect for him after the progress he/we have made the past 6 months or so. <applause> is your ML frequency satisfactory? What would be satisfactory? are you still avoiding conflict too? Do you reinforce positive interactions?
But I am troubled by what OG_Lou said about brother/sister love. Not helpful. ignore it. stop dwelling on it.

Sometimes I feel like H and I could be like that Best of friends. Wow. Thats really awesome. I really really miss that. On a more helpful note its not all that good for attraction. You need to have interests that bring something new to the M. So does he. Do you guys hang out with other M couples? I know your in domestic He!! and are bored and restless. You wanted kids so deal with it. Quit reading star. What physical activities do you engage in together? Do you go exploring and engage in new activities together? Never stop having new experiences with each other.

So much in common, maybe too much. Yeah. Sure. Your so much alike. Your both really emotional and oversexed come to mind right off the bat.

It has always been that way and I think that is why we were drawn to each other in the first place at 21/22 years of age. Yikes. we were babies So what? most marriages started at 14/15 for millenia. So you changed? That was part of the given when you got married I thought.


The sexual desire/tension/attraction was never central to our R and I feel that so much more as the years slip by.
Lucky you. My R was --on her side of it. Look where I am. the next tension/desire maker came along and poof, it was all for naught. Because you know--- obviously we werent 'meant to be'. Cause its inconceivable that you will ever have emotional reactions to another human while going thru this life. Pfff. Whatever.


So I struggle. Is this going to be enough? Yes it is a struggle. we wouldnt need to say vows if it wasnt. Kinda of like soldiers take vows and practice and train so they dont run away when the bullets start whistling bye. So, I dont know, is it enough? seems that was a decision you made on your wedding day. or maybe not.

Is it simply about CHOICE as you were stating to haphazard. When things are good? No its not about choice. Its great when things are good. Thats not going to be all the time though. When its bad, sometimes sh!tty, then yeah its about choice.

You make the choice to be faithful and live the M. But as you have seen, women are soooo emotional and I'm at the far end of the spectrum You dont say. hmmm Ill have to keep that in mind. Actually I have a lot more to say about that and the divorce rate and feminism, but its not going to change the reality I have to live with. So Ill deal with it.

Don't think very logically at times and I can see myself being sucked into dangerous situations in my weaker moments. Make a plan for what you will do, how you will react, what steps you will take during those weaker moments. Or know what they are and remove them. Otherwise your just a horse caught in the flames with no blinders on.

I'm feeling quite strong lately but I have a lifetime ahead of me. Should I simple not worry about "possibilites" and carry on as usual? Im a big fan of planning, prevention and practice. leaves me free to be reactive in other ways. Didnt plan or practice for adultery though. Ive had the trial by fire now. Hopefully I got it. We will see.

Or should I be doing something proactive to fight it? And what? Good question. I gave you some ideas for this before. remember? Let me know if you need a reminder. They work for me, but I am a man. Maybe they dont for women.
Can I increase my attraction to H? I was able to with my x. and it was seriously gone there on a couple of occasions.

You yourself said attraction is not a choice. True, its a reaction. if you know what the reaction is from you can focus on those things. At least as a guy I can. Maybe this is a difference in men and women. Im curious. besides you have a interest in being self actualized.
The fact that I can choose not to act on it is not the problem/issue.

The issue is the level of attraction I am feeling for H most of the time. clarify.