How'd you get through this?
With difficulty. And when it was just too much to take, I tried to convince myself the separation was for the best, blah blah. Eventually detached and dated. BUT I was always willing to be there for H when he wanted to talk, do something together, whatever.
Well, I can honestly say the more days the chemicals drip out of my system the less motivated I am. I'd like to have more answers before the "having back."
What answers?! She F-ed you over. So did my H. You either work through it and move on or you don't. As for "chemicals", I don't think I have had "chemicals" for H in a loooong time. That is not love, that's infatuation. But you already know all this. Don't base a major life decision on chemicals. It's great that you are "in love" with her but, as you have found out on her end , they fade.
Now I always view M's without kids a little differently. I have stated before on this board that I may not have gotten back together with H if it wasn't for the kids, but who the heck knows. I love H. He is a great friend. Lots in common. etc. I would want someone like that in my life for sure. He's a good guy. Despite his "brain fog" there for a while.
So I guess, similar to what BF was stating, if you think you may want kids, can you see yourself having them in the future with this woman? If the answer is no, keep on truckin. If you're still not sure, that makes total sense too. That's completely your choice, really no right or wrong answers.
I stopped responding in kind after hearing the "cordiality." Say if my name were always Bob and suddenly she's calling me "Robert." WTF? Don't act like I'm some d!ck off the street please.
Ack! I know. We have ALWAYS called each other "sweetie." Always sounded weird to use our "real" names. During the separation, it freaked me out when he called me C_______. Bizarro land. So formal. I just did the same back and could tell he didn't like it. Oh well. Tough noogies. Mirroring his responses. Giving him a taste of his own medicine. Stop all the chasing. Never works.
BUT, still maintain the contact like I said. If she emails, email right back. That sort of stuff. Does she EVER ask to see you, talk about personal issues, that sort of stuff? What is the status of this separation? Legal? Talk of divorce?
H never once initiated the legal separation ( I did that for my own self-protection) and certainly never talked of divorce. I figured that was a positive sign. I get the sense she isn't itching to make this official either?

And I stand by my LUCKY comments.
Everyone could use a good dose of self-esteem building now and then. Keep it up Stigmata. You're putting lots of effort into this whole mess and I commend you for it. Stay strong, strange bird.