So, you end up with a person who feels too inferior to speak up about their needs, but who feels superior because they don't.
WOW, how insightful.
What is the name of the book? I would like to read it!
I know that person pretty intimately. Somewhere in my background I determined that nice people don't make requests of others. Add that to my inherent sense that everyone else's needs should be considered first. And that if there is a conflict in needs, well, the "nice" thing to do would be to step aside. Sound much like your hubby?
The book is "Asserting Yourself: A Practical Guide for Positive Change", by Sharon Anthony Bower and Gordon H. Bower.
I tend to swoop into it and grab a thought or two. After the first couple of chapters laying out terms and setting things up, the rest of the book is broken into sections with scenarios of conflict and samples responses. There is also a questionnaire at the end of each section that attempts to guide you into a greater understanding of yourself via worksheets. Some of the convos sound stilted to me and I can't see myself actually speaking many of them, but they give concrete examples of people responding passively, aggressively and assertively.
The negotiating strategies they walk you through are similar to the Policy of Joint Agreement that the Harley's advocate.
Somewhere in my background I determined that nice people don't make requests of others. Add that to my inherent sense that everyone else's needs should be considered first. And that if there is a conflict in needs, well, the "nice" thing to do would be to step aside. Sound much like your hubby? 
