Quote: Yes, I don't at all understand how people can misconstrue assertiveness as a negative trait/connotation.
I've pondered this one too. I guess it is because we lable outright agressive behavior as being assertive and that does engender negative connotations. Mix that in with the more passive people who silently martyr themselves until some unknown quantity of offense has been reached, then the resulting explosion of anger also gets labled "assertiveness".
So, I think people in general aren't accurately defining the difference between agressive, anger and agression.
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The tenet is pretty much universal that no one else is going to look out for your interests if you don't speak up and assert them. Not force or manipulation directed towards another person.
I think many passive folks come from a supplicating position of "you should recognize my needs and and fulfill them because it's the right thing to do." And they feel a sense of distaste at the possibility that they would have to struggle to their needs recognized and fulfilled.
And I think there's still a lot of underlying Puritanical type religiousity that makes people uncomfortable about speaking up for themselves - as if doing so is being self-centered, or un-humble (couldn't think of a word that described this better, because I don't think "prideful" accurately respresents the attitude.)
The book points out some stumbling blocks to being assertive:
"People typically place three large obstacles between themselves and the goal of assertiveness - their negative image of themselves, their learned fear of conflict situations, and their poor communication skills."
I also think the religious thing kicks in here, because some of us think not asserting ourselves, not speaking up is somehow more "righteous" than those people who do.
So, you end up with a person who feels too inferior to speak up about their needs, but who feels superior because they don't.
Do other people end up holding and acting upon two competing concepts which are mutually exclusive (similar to the above)? I know I do. I sometimes feel like the Red Queen in Alice in Wonderland; "Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
