I didn't look at it that way at the time. I know I did NOT approve of her going to see her ex, but she went anyway, I suppose as a way of showing me that she will do what she wants regardless of our marriage, my feelings and/or what I say.
In retrospect, I see that it WAS an affair of the mind, heart and spirit, if not the body. Regardless, I forgave her about that back then and didn't really think about it until this new revelation of her PLANS to have her own affair well before we have even filed for D, and in front of our children NO LESS!
She intends to have this OM stay in our home before I bring our D back and intends to lie to our D about who this OM is. OMG, that is ruthless, cold and hurtful to our innocent child + our 6 month old who will be in the house with the whole time. Talk about throwing your relationship with your children under the bus.
Additionally, I work in an office that knows my W well and has known her for years. The rumor I have heard recently is that SHE has been out having A's for a long time. That makes sense in looking back since she often used relations as a reward or punishment, as she saw fit. I just never questioned her about where she was going or why she was regularly 2-3 late returning home when she went out with friends in the evening. I never checked up on her either. I trusted her. I suppose that would not have been such a bad idea, but I was home with our child/children while she was out actin single and childless.
I'd like to believe there is nothing to the rumor, but when the sh*t hits the fan and she was instantly in contact with her old flame from 10 years ago, that leads me to believe I was deaf, dumb and blind with regard to who she really is and what she was doing while we were married. My bad.
In her mind she gave 110% to our marriage and I did not. In her mind, I was 99% of our problem. If I would just fix me everything would be great.
My reality is: I always felf she NEVER fully committed to our M from the beginning. She always seemed one foot in and one foot out and ready to bail as a FIRST option.
She brought up divorce at least a dozen times during our marriage. She asked me to move out at least 1/2 a dozen times. This makes sense, since I was the source of 99% of our marital problems and her unhappiness. I am unclear about how THAT constitues 110% effort to make our marriage blissful. ...or am I missing something?
Again, I am no saint, but I worked VERY hard to make my marriage successful and to change my behavior towards my W and my communication style with her. I have been very successful in making those changes. But, the more I changed my view of the world and learned to behave much better in our M, the more I noticed that she was unhappy in our M plus the threat of D or being asked to move out was always hanging over my head.
I was emotionally beaten, weak, felt "not good enough", criticized, worthless, etc. Our marriage was a battlefield, fertile ground for my A. NOT an excuse, it's just that the downward slope that our M existed on was "greased" by my A.
