I just found out that my W has been in contact with her old flame. This OM is someone she went to see a couple of months before we became pregnant. I told her I did not want her to go see OM but she looked me right square in the eyes and said I need to go. When she got back I told her I was upset and I asked her again why she needed to go to see OM. She responded with, "I don't know." She did tell me she gave him our phone # and got his. I asked her to throw it away for the sake of our marriage. She said she would think about it. I forgave her and let it go. We got past that. She did NOT throw it away. And, even if she had, she has friends who know how to get ahold of OM. Some friends! Some clearly were NOT for our marriage and worked to undermine it at every opportunity. Sad.
Well, last night I found out the "why" regarding seeing the OM. She told me that she went because we were not doing well and she wanted to go see if there was a "spark" still and she told me last night that there was. A vastly different story from my W who claims she always told me the truth. My sister told me that that is cheating in mind and spirit. I can't say that I disagree.
Last night while we were talking, I heard her tapping away on the computer. She also needed to "click off" the other line when I called. I asked her what she was typing and she said nothing at first, but then said she was responding to an e-mail. She said the person to whom she was e-mailing was none of my business; that she was on her private time. I also asked her who she needed to "click off" with on the other line and she lied saying it was her brother. I am seeing HER deceit now for the first time. It was OM, as was the e-mail. My W often went out with her friends and would tell me she would be home at a certain time. She would just show up at home 2-3 hours later without even a phone call. I chalked it up to her just being inconsiderate of me worried feelings. It appears that it may have been more deliberate than that.
I asked her, since she was insisting on honesty from me and that she insisted our marriage was over, why she was being so secretive whom she was talking with and e-mailing? I had a strong feeling it was OM and she finally decided to tell me they had been in contact.
I understand that she has a right to do as she wishes, and I understand that she is acting out of anger, but running into the arms of a man who repeatedly (her words) cheated on her in order to hurt me and to NOT deal with her own pain is the WRONG way to go. We have 2 beautiful children and I am concerned with her behavior and choices while she is so ANGRY and not being able to see past that. She also drinks when she's angry and her judgment is NOT good.
I know that I felt awful the moment I cheated and have felt awful since. I do believe that her response now is rooted in anger and that she is going to be hurt and our children will be hurt, as well, because, again, her actions right now are driven by anger alone. Two awful wrongs do NOT make a right.
Unfortunately, I fear that her anger is going to harm our children, by dragging them into a situation designed to hurt me. This A is my mistake alone and I am reaping the results in a HUGE way.
I am working hard to be strong for me and our children.
I do believe that she believes that D is our ONLY option right now. That makes me so hurt and sad, but I will keep my heart open to her. I have a speck of hope.
