Ok Tom, this is getting somewhere. So you probably think that this is your W's escape route, huh? She's been bantering about with the D word for awhile and now she's got her ticket out via this affair. I don't know that it's far from what may be true, but one thing to think about is that your A, while TOTALLY reprehensible, also served as a jolt to her that YOU were not happy any more than she was. She may have SAID she wanted to end the marriage, but you actually did something. Who knows how that plays out in her head. This idea that there were deep issues in your marriage may hurt OR help. I know in my sitch many people comment on how fast I came to the conclusion that I needed to change myself and how quickly I found this site, the books, etc. I was able to do that because I could clearly see what was wrong in my marriage, especially MY part of the problems and I immediately acted to rectify them to the best of my ability. I am going to be doing that for the rest of my life now that I am aware of the process. For you, maybe you can just list the issues that caused all the prior problems in your M. List all the things that prompted your W to use the D word. How were you talking? What was said? What was going on in your lives? How did YOU contribute to all that? If you start this process of figuring out what wend wrong, you will be on your way to figuring out what could go right in the future.
