my infidelity and the aftermath

[RBinBR]

Tom, it may have been good to tell your W once now that you love her more than anything and you want to reconcile. Now that you have done that, though, you need to be aware that repeating that process will NOT help you.

Your W is repulsed by you right now. The more you pursue her and tell her you love her, the more disgusted she will become. When we talk about giving her space, that means emotional space -- it means not pressuring her to reconcile.

As far as her threat to divorce you, keep in mind that a divorce does not happen instantaneously. Your W will cool down and deal with a lot of her hurt and anger by then if you allow her to and don't feed her hurt and anger through your own behavior. Finally, keep in mind that a D isn't necessarily the end of the road. There are a lot of stories from couples who have gotten a D and then realized what they had lost and remarried.

Patience is the most difficult thing for all of us on these boards, because we're in pain and we want healing, but it is the most important tool that you have to get what you want.