QUESTION THOUGH: it bothers her when I express my feelings of loving her and hoping for reconciliation. Should I stop expressing my love for her and my hope of reconciliation and forgiveness and just continue SHOWING her how I feel and showing her that I am making obvious positive changes in my live to be a better person, father, and (hopefully) husband?
It bothers her when you do this because it does not validate HER position of the marriage being over. It's like you're arguing with her about her feelings and through your ILY's and other things you say, you're putting pressure on her to change her mind/heart and she resents that deeply right now. Not only did you destroy your marriage (in her mind), but now you're trying to manipulate her back into the ruins. Of course that's not what the reality of the situation is, but from her perspective it may very well be. Every time you say ILY, a hundred things go through her mind from "This mf-er is trying to make this go away" to "Ok so then why did you do this to me" or "Did you say that to her too?" and "I don't believe you anymore" etc, etc, etc.
You see, right now, things that are expressions of heartfelt love and remorse to you are seen in a totally different light by her. It may not always be that way.
It is said around here a lot that some things only need to be said once, and to keep bringing them up is counterproductive. Right now there are some things that your W is probably VERY clear about, like you say you love her and you want to make this work. She may not need to hear that again for awhile, but I think she will know it. As for the "I'm sorry" part, continue to do that when it's appropriate and maybe let the other stuff be reflected by your actions. Work on those things that you need to improve and look hard at what made you stray (btw, did you post why you think it happened yet?).
Time. It's all about time right now, and that is the single most difficult thing to accept where you are at right now because time also brings uncertainty but you just need to accept that too.
