Quote: 1. Have we done EVERYTHING we can do to reconcile, make this horrible sitch right and make our marriage work? 2. Have we exhausted ALL other options before deciding that D was the ONLY option? Of course she wanted to answer those questions right then because her hurt and anger are so raw and near the surface.
Tom,
Take this with a grain of salt... Not to sound cold, but I can answer those two questions for her.
1) WE don't need to do anything. YOU already did enough and now I will do what I need to do to make this pain go away, which right now is to make YOU go away.
2) Again, YOU exhausted all our options when you optioned out of our M. YOU made that choice already so why is there anything else to consider.
I did not do this to be mean, just to point out that from your W's perspective, this kind of logic may have NO place to take hold. She may see it as just the latest attempt by you to "quick fix" your way out of this. I don't blame you for putting those two, similar questions to her, but I think it will be a little while yet before she is ready to consider anything like that from you. The process itself will give her some time, and maybe in time she will begin to understand that what you did was NOT necessarily the end of your marriage. Right now your W is hurt beyond words and thinking that she will be open to considering throwing herself back into the fire for more of the same is probably not realistic. Like Rob said, you still need to keep saying you're sorry. You need to be consistent in your remorse. When you start your reading I think you will come back here and post a whole new understanding of not only yourself, but where your W is and things will be a little more clear to you. Keep the faith.
