To make it easier Tom, here is a link to my story from the other side.
Right now, your W is going through a whole range of emotions and you MUST be willing to deal with the issues head on. Right now, you cannot say "I'm sorry" enough or stop giving any reassurances. It appears from your posts that you are truly sorry for your actions. Now make sure your W knows that.
Good luck and I will try to keep up with your sitch.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
